The Measurement of Love.

Dedication: This story captures the overall fragment of what my boyfriend and I are living. I hope it inspires others to be brave and strong...Love is beautiful.

I’m a long distance relationship. we’re both 21 years old now.. We actually started talking on instagram I used to write and post poetry and he liked it and we sorta had the most amazing conversation raging from philosophy to science to fiction and I will never fogot that my heart instantly attracted me to him and he asked me to consider being with him. At that time we both did not bother to even ask where we were from because everything just felt so beyond beautiful.. and it still is .. I love my boyfriend. He’s the best. We’ve been texting, and video calling every day since the last two years but we haven’t met as yet dispite our love being so strong for each other.. It is very difficult for both of us. All we can do is send each other gifts through mail. Many people think it’s crazy when they ask me where he is and I tell them that I never met him yet. He lives in the United States and I live in South Africa, I’m still studying at university so that prevents me from meeting him and he doesn’t have a passport since he’s not an American born citizen dispite living in the US for 19 years. He works and supports his family and siblings so financially it’s very difficult for him to save money or even invest in me..Every day feels like a turning point actually… You never know whats going to happen or if you doing something wrong. It’s tough to live in. A lot of changes have been happening between us in terms of our lives, he’s changed jobs a few times and moved houses. The time zone differences is a killer.. I don’t know what to do sometimes with myself because of all the pressure around me with people I know and my cousins getting married and having partners. It really sucks and is depressing…

There was a time that something happened that I feel pushed him away and I always blame myself for it. At the end of 2016, the year I met my boyfriend online.. a friend whom I kissed yet never spoke with for that entire year got in contact with me and asked to meet up, I used to chill out with him and the last time I saw him I locked his keys in his car which was my fault and we had to break his window .. I felt like meeting with him just to pay him back for the window taht I knew was my fault. And when I met him he told me he was getting married and I told him about my boyfriend, he was a bit drunk and he kissed me and he didn’t want to hear me tell him anything. It was really awkward and when I went home I didn’t know what to do I eventually told my boyfriend about it and it hurt him so bad. I didnt realize it until afterwards that I was such an idiot for telling him what happened. I wish I didnt tell him anything! Because after that the next few months started feeling cold.. After that incident,  there’s always been a sharp hurt but as time goes we mange. He told me that he is hurt but healing and it won’t change his love for me. Since we so far away it’s difficult to tell what’s going on. I almost wish I was blind sometimes and didn’t exist because I know it’s not anyone’s fault.
My boyfriend loves video games and started streaming, he also ignored me over the games he played. It really hurt since he knew the times I wanted to speak to him.. I’ve learnt to accept it that it’s the distance and nothing will ever be right until we meet. I feel like with trusting someone you have to trust yourself first. We’ve been very insecure and the distance just makes it even more difficult. It has brought us to question each other – from my side I can say that I’ve been loyal and my love has always been true for him and I trust when he says the same thing.. I mean it’s been about 26 months now – it’s been emotional and challenging and it’s still a long way to go… we still don’t have a plan but we do trust our love.
So yea I’d just like to tell readers that if you have a partner whom you can see every day, that cares about you and you can have a conversation with without having to call – appreciate that, because.. that is priceless..

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I'm just a vessel an this soul. I'm a student and a teacher. One love.