No longer a victim but a survivor

Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains descriptions of childhood sexual abuse.

When I was younger my sister was in the hospital all the time so I was at my grandparents house every day. when I was about 5 years old (2008) remember I was sitting on my grandpas lap watching “The Little Mermaid” and he was rubbing my back and he move his hand around to the front of my body. I was 5 so even though it made me really uncomfortable I thought it was normal or it was some family did. I almost liked it, no I did like it. I don’t want to admit it but I did. I don’t like what was happening I just liked how it felt. He started to do more like he would make me fondle his penis and he would touch me and watch me go to the bathroom. This went on until I was 13 years old (2018) and I started to move away from him. Flash forward to 2022 my mom asked me if I had ever been molested by my grandfather and I almost lied but I couldn’t. I later found out the reason she asked was because the same thing happened to my cousin. We told him we know my parents spoke to him and now I have. I spoke to him and told him how much he put me through and how much I hated myself for what he did. I had no self-respect and I didn’t like one thing about myself. He blamed our problem with men on bullying. After we spoke I started realizing that this isn’t my fault and that I didn’t do this, he did. He is the reason I we hated myself since I was 5 years old. I’m now 19 and finally understand that what he did was not ok and what he did was t my fault. I am no longer a victim but a survivor of child sexual abuse.