Never Send

I have comprehended as to why you did it, but I have not yet comprehended why we could not stick it out. I feel as though my mind is hitting a way like every second I get a feeling and my heart thinks the opposite then my gut I end up with hurt and pain at the end of the day. Love comes and goes and doesn’t always stay but when will it stay? When will it be my turn, my turn to experience the love of another, like my friends and family have. Happy healthy relationships with ups and downs but they never leave at the end of the day. When will it be my turn to experience it. I’ve always dreamed to being in love with someone who loves me. Just as much maybe more. I’ve always dreamt of not being alone at night, not being alone sitting in bed staring off into space. I am overfilled with hurt and pain as my heart battles my gut. As my brain spirals and go off on its own, I’ve always dreamt of love. But I understand why they left. I just don’t understand why. My mind is a constant battle, on replay, do I cut so deep I bleed or do I sit here and pretend to be happy. Do I take a ,title extra or do I go out with my friends and go “have fun” to make them happy. Do I smoke so much I can’t feel anything or do I go about my day and pretend to be the person I am not. Do I tell someone I’m stuck and scared and numb or do I keep up the act of acting like I’m not affected, not hurting, and don’t care. Do I take a step back. Or do I keep going like no tomorrow. I understand why they left. But I don’t understand why no one can stay.
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Photo credit: Photo provided by the storyteller.