Dedication: To my friends who helped me find myself again
I was always unhealthily obsessed with a guy since sixth grade. We made it very clear that we hated each other, always fighting, always telling everyone else how much the other person sucked. It was about tiny things, like memes, friends, school, etc. There wasn’t really a reason why we did, it was just that we argued back and forth for hours every day. Everyone knew that we could never stop arguing. But I had a secret: deep down, I kinda liked him. It was totally weird and embarrassing and only one of my not-so-close friend knew. I wasn’t possessive or head over heels, it was just that something about him was different, and it attracted me. I started feeling insecure, and I felt that something was terribly wrong with me.
It took forever to get over him. First step was stop talking, and over and over, I kept adding him back after I deleted him. When I finally did that, I decided my next step was to accept that I was a great person. I kept feeling terrible, knowing that I used to like “such a jerk”. After a lot of help from my friends, I was back on my feet. The last step was becoming me again. What he’d said, his constan judgement, and though I’d ignored it, had somewhat changed me. I suddenly felt that emojis were lame, complimenting people always needed to be tinged with sarcasm, and that most of my former friends were idiots. But that was him, all along it was him, turning me into someone I wasn’t. I can’t say that I don’t think of him now, that I completely reverted back to the old me. And no, I’m not playing the victim either. I simply want more girls to know that you are wonderful and excellent as you are, and these boys that insult you, manipulate you, without ever actually loving you, is not worth it. It’s hard to get over a crush (or an ex for that matter) but never forget yourself.