my story so far

My life and childhood was great. My imagination would run wild and would could have endless hours of fun without looking at a phone or watching tv. But soon and early on in my life I was faced with the harsh reality. One of my favourite people in the world was my cousin, Sophia. We spent endless hours together. I was her big sister, her role model. I witnessed her birth when I was 10 (meaning we had a 10 year age difference). So of course I took on the older cousin roles, playing dolls with her and dressing up. She gave me an escape from reality, playing with toys and being silly. I got to teach her new things, like how to take a selfie or how to dab. It was so fun and I loved watched her grow up. She lived in another country so I was only able to see her 1-2 times a year for a few weeks. But it only made each and every moment count more. I wish she lived closer so I could of seen her more often but it was always so special and important to spend time together when she did come down. When I was 14, it was a normal afternoon from school. But my aunty picked me up from school and took me, my sister and my other cousins to my grandmas house. When we arrived. I received the news that forever breaks my heart. My cousin Sophia passed away in a car accident. I cried for hours in my dads arms. But then after that night I was numb. I got home and downloaded all the videos of Sophia so I could have a little piece left of her, but it wasn’t the same. In front of everyone I acted tough, but I cried myself to sleep for months. People at school the next term, expected me to be over it, but I don’t think anyone understood the relationship me and Sophia had, it was so different to the other cousins. I started to become really isolated and lost a lot of friends. I came back to school in the new year with a “positive” attitude. I joined a new group, made new friends that didnt know much about my “past” and weren’t awkward like some other people were around me. I started to go to the gym but quickly I developed an eating disorder and had anorexia. I felt like I didnt have a lot of control over many things in my life, with my cousin passing away and feeling abit alone, but I did have control over food. It dictated my life, my thoughts and still does today. It drives me crazy and I hope one day I can live a life without that stress and live with comfort, happiness and peace in my heart.