Dedication: Marilyn McGillis (Moms)
This is a story about a girl who loved with all her heart. No matter what and no matter what the outcome was. Ever since she can remember her mother and every1 who ever got close 2 her felt the need 2 protect her at all cost. What was it about this girl that they felt they had 2 keep her safe? This lil girl was rebellious though. She had a fight in her soul and had a very unique way about the way she showed you how 2 love, how 2 b loyal, how 2 stay honest and how 2 give and earned respect. She took on any challenges that life threw at her and any achievements she made was with the best of them. As a lil girl life was no fairy tale. She never knew or met her dad and her mother was an alcoholic. She came from a broken home. She grew up with the full weight on her shoulders. She carried every bit of it not letting it get 2 her or asking 4 any help. The weight would beat her down again and again. Silence became the only answer she would gave. She was different from all the other girls and deep down she always knew this. Still, she held her head high and did the next best thing which was with her best intentions. She struggled like every1 else but she followed her heart and in the end she conquered everyday. Growing up, she became fearless against the world and would beat all the odds. She would set out 2 make the impossible possible 2 show the world and every1 that rules are made 2 be broken. She took on the world and had an army 2 back her. While every1 was playing it safe. She was reckless and was determined 2 stand 4 everything she was taught and raised 2 be. She learned her family’s life style. She breathed the teachings of the old ways. She carried on with the traditions. The world was her playground. She must of been handed such a beautiful life 2 live. As strong as she was, the troubles of life would set in and finally bring her 2 her knees. The passing of her mother brought death, pain, grief, sorrow into her world. She’s had had her first taste of wanting death, wishing 4 it and now she’s waiting 4 it. The moment runs through her head. Constantly, replaying it and reliving it. The pain was 2 much 2 bare 2 see her moms take her final breath right in front of her. It was more then she could handle, let alone admit what jus happened, had happened. Now, fear sets in, doubts troubles her mind, unsure of every thing she does. She is no longer the same person. She wandered feeling disconnected. She lost more then just her moms that day. She stopped living. Every day after she would only just get by. Alcohol 2 drown her sorrows. Drugs 2 numb the pain. She quickly learned how 2 hide behind her smile but her eyes held the truth. If only some1 would of seen it. Some things might of been different. Her guard is up and the walls are higher. No 1 is worth the pain and agony 2 go through it again. Her heart can only break into so many pieces. Her soul can only handle so much darkness. Her mind can only understand with limits. Her body can only take so much abuse. She pushes on day in and day out, only 2 get the same end results. “Never good enough.” If it was a person, it would be her. If it was a feeling, it would be the pain she knew all 2 well. She found comfort in the darkest shadows. She only wished that she could of saved herself. Wounded and cut deep will bring out the monsters so they can take their pick at her. Her heart is so big she gladly allows people 2 hurt her. The more you suffer it really shows how much you care. Right? Every1 wants 2 survive and live. We all die someday. Just most of us die inside first. The world grows colder she has no chance against those odds. She had finally met her match. The 1 who would set fire 2 everything she touched. At last, she looks into the eyes of the 1 who’s been destroying everything she’s built. (Staring into the mirror) her reflection shows her everything. She can’t hide any longer. She can taste all the lies, she’s told 2 keep people at a distance. She can put it all 2 rest now, no more running. She can find peace in herself again. Hope 4 the rise of all rises. Still, the blade can cut deep enough 2 end the chaos that swirls deep within. Music is where her heart beats 2 live again. That’s where you will find her. She can put down all that weight. Don’t cry 4 her. She carries on in the hearts and memories of herself of all her loved 1s behind. Remember her heart and the love she gave even if it wasn’t returned. Her last words, if u can’t find yourself with no way out and bk 2 the light. “If you start 2 miss the darkness that comforted you more then any light that shined in. Close your eyes and smile because I’m right there with you in that moment.”
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Photo credit: Images courtesy of the storyteller.
