Lost Black Boi
I didn’t ask to be here or even ask to see what my eyes has seen..
See I wasn’t your typical Black Boi my gender didn’t match my sexuality..
Daddy walked out and left me I felt he regret me..
Molested broken and damaged that’s me, took my worth broke my pride and stole my Gratitude!
I’m a lost black boi can’t you see..
Low confidence and self-esteem, ugly stupid and unworthy is what I see..
Used, Pained and Rejected is written all over me..
I have Dreams that no one can see and the things that damaged me won’t allow of me..
I’m just a lost block boi honestly!
Growing Up
Growing up wasn’t a walk in the park for me!
Daddy smoked Crack so they called me a crack baby..
Mama put him out and he went crazy..
I was a Daddy’s Boy until he walked out and left my mom to raise me..
Mama made sure we stayed in touch until she was fed up .. Fed up with seeing our Feelings crushed..
Cried for my Dad every night and he didn’t even know..
It went from Son I Love you to Lies and times he didn’t show
It went from I’m coming after work to not seeing him at all ..
Stayed in the same house and the whole summer he ain’t do shit for me ..
Went from love and respect the hate and neglect..
All his family looking down on me not knowing the story my young eyes has seen..
Breaking in our house to steal things to feed his crack needs. But quitting his job so he doesn’t feed his kids needs..
His family Neva seen what I seen growing up wasn’t a walk in the park for me..
It went from Dad I love you to Dude leave me be..
It was to the point when I seen him I didn’t even speak .. Walked past him like a dude in the streets..
I acted like it didn’t faze me but deep inside I went crazy and couldn’t even sleep..
How could you disown your child out loud then try to claim Me when he succeed .. Dude u didn’t even Raise me ..
Little do he know it’s his fault I let them Guys Damage me..
Growing up wasn’t a walk in the park for me behind closed doors holding on to sheets..
Remember the nights waking up wishing they stop and leave!
I was only a kid still in elementary didn’t understand why me
At the same time seeked the male bond that my Dad didnt feed ..
Not realizing it was really hurting me i began to believe it was feeding my needs..
All along deep inside i know the actions i was making wasn’t really me!
At a point i felt no one loved me .. bullied through school Gay Boy Fag is what they called me!
I tried to hide it but then i started to think is this me! Maybe this what God wanted me to be!
I prayed to God please help me! it’s Hard to see guide me to where i need to be!
As i went on i got weak! wondering what God was doing to me! time passed by and i realized God was breaking me! bringing me to see who i am and where i really need to be!
Before i could really see i thought back on the hands that touched me and how my Dad and other people hurt me!
I use to get angry but now i look back and i get happy!
Happy to see what God has brought out of me! Now i let him work on me and bring me to my real identity!
Growing up wasn’t a walk in the park for me!
So I tried to join a church and become free from all the things the devil put on me ..
Everything was good at the beginning until I got word from God that this is the way he made me ..
My mentor in the church slayed me.. Cut Me off by saying I’m uncomfortable your prolly trying to Game me..
When I came out people in the church Changed so they didn’t speak and commented on my Facebook like they hate me..
Don’t get me wrong I love the Pastors and some from the church but the rest they ain’t for me..
Telling my family was hard see I didn’t think they would accept me..
They some Thugs, Some Accept Me and Some Don’t agree but Respect me so don’t disrespect me..
Neva made an announcement I feel actions speak ..
So I told the ones I love and just begin to let everyone See my Real identity!
Growing up wasn’t a walk in the Park for me but Now I’m Free, I’m Happy and I Love Me despite what anyone thinks!
This Is Me!
Javon Lorenzo Cook > Ja’Myiah La’Cree Cook