I won’t give up

Hi. I’m Rohannie. A single mom to a very beautiful baby girl. I want to share my story here because I really have no one to talk to. I got pregnant when I was 20 years old. I was 21 when my baby was born. I just graduated from college and was searching for a job when I got pregnant. It seemed like my world have paused and I didn’t know what to do. When me and my then boyfriend knew he got me pregnant, everything just went downhill from there. I loved my boyfriend so much but unfortunately our relationship did not work. He left because he was not ready to become a father. After a few days, thats when I knew he got back together with his ex girlfriend. I was so angry. I was so lost. I didn’t know what to do. At first, I was hesitant to tell my problem to my parents because I was so afraid. But I gathered all my stength and told my problems to my brother. He comforted me and offered to help me with our parents. After 2 weeks, my brother came home from work. I was not feeling good. I hid myself at my room because I have no guts to face my parents. My father finally told them and my mom shouted for my name. I got out and I started crying so hard. After all the hardship that my parents went through in raising me, I only gave them dissappointment. It was hard. Seeing my mother cry because of me. I felt like a trash. How could a child make her mother cry. All that I could do was beg for their forgiveness. I told them my situation and we decided that If the father of my baby doesn’t want to take responsibility then we will not force him to. After that, he was never part of the picture and he will never be. My parents supported me of all my needs. I took care of myself and my baby. By the help of my friends, family, and God, I became strong. For my self and for my baby. 22nd day of september, my baby girl was born. She was a very healthy and beautiful baby girl. I coudn’t ask God for more. He gave me a chance to live and make my life right. After my baby was born. Everything changed. I coudn’t do my chores like I did before. So all the work are tasked to my 2 younger sisters. An 18 and 15 years old. Capable of doing the chores at the house. My two sisters are very vocal and harsh. They are sometimes lazy and they seem to not want to clean the house. Even when you see piles of clothes that needs to be washed, they won’t do that if you don’t tell them to do it. I don’t know why. We often get into fight because of that. One day, I told them to please clean and wash the clothes. They won’t do it and we got into an argument. They said “its your fault you got pregnant and you can’t work.” They will say so many painful words. Telling me that it was my fault. They made me feel that I was worthless. That because I made a mistake I am unforgivable. I made a mistake therefore I am not worthy to be repected even if I am their older sister. They treat me like nothing. I can’t realy talk because I felt like that was all true. All I could do was carry my baby and cry at my room. Even my parents still blames me and make me feel like a trash even if they don’t say it. But I can’t really blame them. After all, its true. All of that was my fault. Till today I still carry all those words in my mind and my heart. All that is keeping me strong is my baby. I can’t be weak. If I become weak I won’t be able to take care of her. If I give up, who will be there for her. I will keep moving forward for her. I know God is with me and I know God forgives anyone who admits and feel sorry for the sin that they made. To my parents, I am really sorry for being a disappointment. I promise that I will repay everything that you have given to me and my baby. I am so thakful that God gave me parents like you. You never left me. To my siblings, I am very sorry for everything. I know that I promised that I will make your life easier and I never forgot that. I will still try hard and give you both a comfortable life. I won’t give up. I still do believe that everything will be okay. In Lord, I believe, I have faith, I trust.