i lost everyone’s trust

hello I’m **** I started to hate my life in 2021 this year let’s begin with how it started.
I got rap*ed in 2018 by my own cousin 2x times but I don’t really think of it much I was just a kid tbh
in 2020 I started this TikTok account and I met a lot of boys in TikTok some were toxic some were nice I met a boy his name was Adrien his from Mexico he was a really nice and positive person after I rejected him we didn’t talk it just felt weird and it kept going I kept meeting a boy on tt but then I reject them we stopped talking and there was this boy I met that was from the same country as me I fell for him the first day we met we kept talking none stop everyone kept telling me his a bad guy and he will break your heart and stuff and they also told me that his treating me like sh*t i just kept defending and me and him fight 24/7 and now we don’t talk and stuff i really miss him and adrien and my life went down hill because of him in my religion its not allowed to talk to boys or date them I’m being punished because of him i feel like sh*t just because I did that i lost everyone’s trust i don’t desvre anything I’m just sh*t