Girl in Chicago, Il

Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains references to childhood sexual abuse and assault.
2008 I was born by a 16 year old who didn’t know how to even take care of herself. So she gave this lady from her family to get custody of me. She gained custody of me and my younger brother when I was going on 2 and my brother was almost 1. She was “lesbian” so she had girlfriends. Though, she was very delusional and controlling. So every relationship she was in they soon left her. She continuously blamed us for them leaving her, telling us we were ungrateful and more. We were homeless most of the time because her significant others were the one mostly paying for everything. To be honest, life was very confusing with her and very hard. We were in and out of hotels, cars, and her “friends” house. We ended up living with her mom sister and her sisters kids. Me and my brother were treated very differently and was always thrown in our face about our real mom. But nobody wanted to give us back when she was asking. She kept us away from our mom, uncles, grandma, everyone. My cousin was touching me, this man tried to touch me when I was 10. This other man touched me when I was around 4 or 5 while my guardian was in the other room sleep and high. Once she found out recently, that my cousin was touching me, she told me I was lying. Before she found out this, I ran away from her when I was 15. I felt like I wasnt comfortable with telling her things going on in my life because she would just throw it back to me, not acknowledge it, and I will just be left even more traumatized. Words cant explain how much she traumatized me. She made me develop PTSD, anxiety, and depression because of the hurtful ways she treated me and my brother almost everyday. When I ran away at 15, I didnt know what was ahead of me. I just grabbed some clothes and left. I’ve attempted to leave before, but everytime I failed. This is awareness to other young girls to not run away, no matter how hard it is. The best you can do is tell a trusted adult, but if things are too out of hand, you can call the authorities and they will have good resources for you. All you have to do is tell them everything that is going on. I didnt have nowhere to sleep, couldn’t find my next meal, or a change of clothes. I was going from house to house even more, losing weight, and all on top of that I was put on birth control. Close to me turning 16 I met this older guy. He got me clothes and more. I can admit I have attachment issues so I got attached to this 34 year old man. He was in a “relationship” at the time. I was aware of this but now that I reflect on everything the lady didnt want him because of how shitty he was. He ended up going to jail so I was back to square 1 for a couple weeks. Once he got out we found this abandoned apt. from this lady who I met on the train which he knew. Chicago is small so practically everyone knows each other someway somehow. So he got out she help us open it because I was with her for a while. Once we got over there he started having other people who were homeless and most were under 21. They would be in there getting high and drunk, doing god knows what. Fast forward he started to hit on me. I was stressing losing all my weight, I gained an eating disorder and everything. I was with him for a year and everytime I tried to leave he wouldnt let me. Mind you im 16 and hes 33 or 34. He would threaten me all the time if I called police or anything. He was in prison before so he was rllly strong and I felt he was powerful over me. My guardian reported me missing to the news so everyone was looking for me. I ended up getting found, I was in a program for a bit and came back home to my guardian. She knew what was going on while I was gone because people was contacting her when they seen me. She called this man my boyfriend basically normalizing this but you’re supposed to be my mother. I dont entirely blame everything on her, I just wish things were different or came out a different way. I am now 18 and I am trying to get my GED. It is very hard though due to the fact I have not been to high school, but I am very smart. A lot of people dont know how my life has been so they judge my action until I tell them what I went through. People have tried to “help” but I dont want it. I am now with my biological mom and my guardian does not like that at all. She tried to make me not come here by saying I have a police missing report that is not up anymore because I was found. But none of that matters because she just dont want me to be with my real mom because she is jealous and sick that she doesnt have her own kids.