I WITHERED AND BLOOMED AGAIN THIS TIME WITH MORE STRENGTH.

I still remember that chubby girl with full of love, dreams, energy, curiosity and desires. When she started blossoming, the people around plucked her very badly. One day, after trying so much she broke down that girl is – ME. There is alot to say but I will keep it short. It all started from the childhood, I used to cry every single day till the age of almost 20. Somedays 2 times and somedays 3 times. My parents used to behave in a very strange way – beating, taunting, emotionally blackmailing you know why? Because I was not good at studies, They want to keep me under their control. For them, It was a part of parenting and every parent has a right to do so. It actually was not their fault but the fault of our so-called society. This has been going on for years. I will not lie, they used to love me too but for that love I had to wait. I was greedy for love and their time as they both are working. When I grew up, I was so desolated and lonely. The situation was like – I couldn’t study, sitting alone in the dark all the day, lost in my own world, screaming at myself, guilt and fears keeps haunting me. There was a time when I hoped the nights should last forever. Slowly,I started getting attached to outsiders, I used to tell them my sufferings with the hope that may be they will give me the love. Donot know about love but they used me. I was emotionally abused, tortured but I didn’t know all this then, now when I look back I realise what was basically happened. The man I loved so much took advantage of my innocence. He used me for his needs because he knew whatever happens she will never leave me.I considered him as my very good friend. My parents got to know about this and they also stopped talking to me. I was shattered and badly devastated. I was tired with all this and finally left that person because I can’t beg for someone’s love. This problem was solved but the problem of life was not yet solved. I failed every year till my first year of college (from class 9th to Ist year). I used to feel like dumb. People used to laugh at me (my own people). My teachers used to insult me, bodyshaming me and taunting me for my appearance. Everyone was against me, but nobody was thinking why is this happening with her. At the age of 17, I got into my first relationship but history repeats itself. He broke up with me. I came out of that trauma after almost 2 years. I remember once he told me you should consult a psychiatrist because you are not in your senses. We, women’s are so much powerful, brave and pure. We donot need to beg in front of anyone. Trust me, we can do anything means anything. So, let’s jump into the treatment thing, I started taking treatment back in 2020 and that doctor diagnosed me with EUPD. I was on medications along with therapy. Some things went well some didn’t. Acc to me, she was not ready to understand my exact problem. Although, she is a very good doctor. So, I changed my doctor because my situation was getting worse. Now, the doctor and therapist under which my treatment is going on are really amazing. My doctor diagnosed me with depression and EUPD. The way they are helping me is admirable. They are teaching me to walk again in the beautiful and bumpy roads of life. I have started loving, living, dreaming and caring for myself. In short, I have started living for myself. Seems like I got a rebirth. I am so excited for this journey and so curious to learn about life and about myself. Fortunately, My parents are with me and they are trying their best to help me out . This is the best thing ever. The process is still going on. I believe if I can rock, anyone can. I am so amazing because I can do everything I want to. There ain’t nobody born who can stop me.