Dedication: My Beautiful wife
On June 6th,2023, my day started as a clear day with hopes of doing some garden work, weeding, feeding, and watering. It was my sister’s birthday (Patty), you know I had to call and rag her a bit. That is what we do. I was able to accomplish everything planned when I made a bad decision in the effort of putting things up. The water hose was stretched from the house to the garden and I used my riding mower to make the trips to the garden after shutting the water off at my house and unhooking the hoses at the bottom of our bank. After unhooking the hose connected to the hose going to the garden, I drove the mower to the garden and put the hose up there.
Thinking of an order I had made for my father-in-law for a roll bar and seat belt for his new zero-turn mower (an action that saved my life later) I decided to ride the mower down to the barn to see if it had been delivered. Most FedEx orders were being dropped there to our displeasure. Nothing there yet, so I made my way up the driveway making a decision that could have ended my life. I decided to leave the driveway and move into the lower side of the yard and bank. As I got to the hose at the bottom, I thought it would be a good idea to grab the hose as I made the turn up the bank and to the top of the yard. My thinking is that I have such difficulty traversing on slopes (Peripheral neuropathy in my legs and feet from multiple back surgeries) around our house that this would be easy. After all, I had done it before. As the mower reached the top of the steepest grade of our yard, something went wrong. The mower broke free from traction not giving me any options. Braking seemed to pick up speed as I slid backward like a sled on the snow, heading down the bank.
Thinking back, trying to figure out what happened. I now wonder if the hose hooked to my house was slowly leaking following the hose to the peak of our hill and causing the incident area to be slicked with water. I will never know but along with my ignorance, this is plausible in my mind. I need this process as therapy for myself to figure out the root cause.
So many things flooded my mind, first off knowing I was in unavoidable danger. In the fall of last year, I had the mower flip backward on top of me while pulling up a small incline and my foot slipped off the clutch causing the mower to flip over on top of me. I bruised my stomach and groin and pulled some muscles. This is a lawn tractor, larger than a typical mower.
My first thought is “You cannot ride this out to the bottom of the rock ditch line, the mower will fling you back into the rocks with the mower on top”. I know it seems strange to have these thoughts but our minds and bodies are built for survival. I was in survival mode 100%. My next thought was to cut the wheels steep to slow the mower before it started to flip. My two next thoughts were to hang on and ride it out or get away from the mower. I had done the earlier years ago when the same thing had happened at a much lower part of the bank and I was able to use my legs to kick mower across my body as it rolled. Although a lot of scrapes and bruises, I survived. I did not see this option this time. Too much speed and the time was running out quickly.
My choice was to turn the wheels deep and use my legs and the mower to catapult myself as far away from the tumbling mower as possible. I attempted a dismount and managed to succeed, but upon landing on the rocks, I felt the immediate pain of my leg snapping under the weight of my body. The next thing I recall is opening my eyes in the center of the driveway and watching blood steadily dripping from my elbow.
I knew I was in dire straits hollering out for anyone that might hear me. I don’t know the time frame other than I headed towards the barn and looked at my phone at 11:45. It must have been about the 30-minute mark of yelling for help when I realized neighbors were not home and I had lost my phone in the fall. I scanned the area and could not see it anywhere. I decided I would have to crawl if I was going to get help. Sherrie was not due home until 4:30 pm and I was starting to worry. I reached down to pull my good leg out from under my injured leg. Not knowing I had a compound fracture at the time, I pulled my support leg out. LIGHTS OUT. I remember the excruciating pain before passing out. This, I was told saved my life as well by doing what is called “self-reduce” the action of moving so the bone reenters the skin area helping to stop the bleeding.
This is where I lost all sense of time. I woke sweating profusely. I started to realize I could slip into shock so I had to focus on myself and protect myself until Sherrie got home. I was hoping our Flat Coated Retriever (Daisy) was not watching me lying in the road from our house above. I then thought there was no way she knew anything because would tear the window out to get to me. I was thankful that I did not hear her in distress. She just thought Dad was out doing yard work.
The sun was starting to beat down on my face as sweat poured and the blood from my elbow was forming a puddle. I know this sounds creepy but the blood-forming and the spiders and ants starting to feed from this newfound nutrition were mesmerizing to watch. It occupied my mind for a good while, which was the goal to prevent shock. I realized my face was burning and pulled my shirt over my face and could not see anymore. My mind drifted off to my wife and son. I wondered if they would be OK without me. I wondered what the afterlife would be like. I felt warming lights like no other but was not leaving just yet. I knew my mind was playing tricks on me while fighting to survive. I yelled again for someone to help if they could hear me. I yelled for probably fifteen minutes and my mouth was so dry. I knew I had to get back into survival mode.
I started to think of good times with family and friends. The funny times were etched in my mind like a well-kept written chronological order of events. That is comical because Sherrie can tell you I am not a note-taker and never will be. Somewhere deep in this brain were all the memories needed to sustain me through this ordeal.
As I drifted back and forth from sleep or blacking out, I do not know which. I open my eyes to the sound of something coming up the driveway. I raised my hand and waved for whatever or whomever it was to see me. I felt a cool breeze on my face and realized it was the wind blowing through the treetops before reaching me. I almost got mad but was thankful for that breeze to cool my face, that was so short-lived. That was it! It was a sign that I was going to make it. Keep fighting, you have got this was the voice in my head.
This is about all I remember until being woken by what sounded like a diesel engine in the distance. Could it be my father-in-law on his tractor? Please, God, let it be. As the sound got closer, it wasn’t a tractor. I turned my head to see and it was a familiar-looking truck coming up the drive. It was FedEx making a delivery. They were coming to my house; I could not believe it. It was a miracle! As you recall FedEx had been dropping packages at the mailbox on the main road which is unviewable from our home. Again, when recalling this in my mind I get cold chills just thinking about it.
If anything, you might receive from reading this, I hope you understand there are angels among us. I saw mine on Tuesday, June 6/6/2023 when the FedEx driver pulled to stop behind me. I later found out his name was Graham. Coming to my side I remember saying “Help me”. I told him I had been in an accident. He must have seen the fear in my eyes and the distress on my face when he did something I live for. Humor. He said, “Well I didn’t think you were taking a nap in the middle of the road”. Some people would say that was not funny, but I found it hilarious as we both laughed. It was what I needed to pull me back into reality. I asked him to call 911 which he did. He then pulled his van up beside me and took his fan out of the vehicle placing it beside my head on the ground. I can’t explain what the cool air did for me. I asked him to look at my leg and he said there was a large blood puddle under my leg and said I can’t look any further. Whatever reason I found that to be funny as well when he said that. I told him thank you and that I knew he had to finish his job. As the Fire Dept rolled up, he said I am not leaving you. He called my wife and that’s when it sank in that I was an emotional wreck. The fireman took the phone and explained what was going to happen to her calmly, and that the closest ambulance was thirty minutes out. Must have been a busy day for these guys but I was in good hands with the FedEx drivers’ fan and the fire dept guys putting up a sunscreen. He told me they could not touch me until the EMTs and paramedics arrived. I was fine with that; I was safe now.
The EMTs and paramedics were a GOD send and are so professional I can’t say enough. The sad part is I don’t even know their names. The transfer to the Ambulance was painful from what I remember. The IV and fentanyl were administered. I remember telling the paramedic NO! I am not a drug addict. He laughed and said it was for pain, not the kind of epidemic going on in our nation. Why do I feel like I am floating? Graham stayed to help them load me into the ambulance. He made me the promise and never backed away from it. That is a real man.
In and out I remember praying and thanking God for giving the power to those caring for me to save my life. But why? He had done this so many times before. The answer will come later. My mind is so full of whys. I promise this is not a story of religious bashing, just my story of my journey hoping to help someone else with love and compassion going through a tough period in their life.
The hospital, the surgery, and getting home are a blur. I remember waking up with metal pins connected to my bones internally and steel rods forming a cage around my leg. I got it. I am now the TERMINATOR! I was so messed up on painkillers I didn’t know who I was. I knew I had two weeks in this thing that was uncomfortable but necessary to let the swelling subside for surgery.
The next angel that I had in my life was my wife, Sherrie. A dedicated nurse by day at the VA, I knew that she was special to those around her at work but never knew she was a superhero angel with powers beyond belief. She won’t like being put in the spotlight but I am so thankful to her, by my side, at my worst, day and night for two weeks pre-surgery. I have never been so in love with a human but found that peak in our marriage during this. I love you, Sherrie! I can never repay you but know the bill was marked paid at the beginning. She returned to her job as soon as possible doing what she does best, serving our veterans and heroes. They have allowed her to work from home three days a week which is another miracle.
Another Angel was my father-in-law) who stepped up to be there for whatever we needed at any time and is still helping so much. My in-laws had so much that had happened in their personal lives but chose to divide up and spread their caring powers among those in their family going through the death of a family member and myself. I was so happy to have one help Sherrie care for me.
Another was a set of Angels that made themselves available to help not knowing what the future was going to bring to them very soon. More on that later. They are Debbie and Gary, my oldest sister and brother-in-law. Sherrie and I are so thankful for them and all the errand running they did to prepare for my arrival home. They do this superhero stuff all the time! Debbie said to remember she slammed the door on my leg on the way to the hospital for a second surgery, so couldn’t be an Angel. Not true, we will now refer to her as “Angel with an Attitude”.
These people have no desire to be recognized but I feel if you know them, or ever meet them you will feel the warmth of being among ANGELS! They are always busy serving others, and I am so fortunate to have them in my life.
Fast forward past a lot of caretaking, which you would probably think is way TMI. I will tell you it was a very painful side effect of painkillers and the body’s natural ability. I can’t say enough about Sherrie. We head back to the hospital for surgery. Getting there was an event I will never forget. Our insurance would not cover a return trip to the hospital for surgery. I refuse to pay for this amber-lamps (inside joke) service. My whole family offered to pay, but Sherrie and I have always been frugal in spending on ourselves. I can tell you about coupon Sherrie later, another superpower she has.
We decided that with the Jupiter Fire Departments’ (another group of angels) help we could load this 6’2” 300-pound man into the back of a Honda Element on moving blankets to slide me in and slide me out and get me transported to the hospital for what should have been outpatient surgery. Probably not the best idea I have ever come up with but anyone that knows me will tell you I’m half-crazy and half-comedian. I like to think of just a comedian with funny ideas. Anyway, look out Asheville, here come the Hillbillies to the Hospital, with the main one on board. Proud to be a hillbilly. My apologies to all around helping that day for any new words they may have learned. I have never claimed to be perfect and you can find many people to back that up. I was drugged up and, in much pain, but I caused all of it.
Second Surgery Day
I think we arrive at 11:30 am for a 2:00 pm surgery. The longer I sat in that wheelchair the worse the pain got. Do the hospitals bring you in that early to watch you suffer? Are there hidden cameras watching you with a group of satanic people getting their jollies and watching you suffer? I guess the theme here is drugs are a needed necessity but are very dangerous to your mental stability. I hope I was comedic for my wife and father-in-law who brought me there. My memory is very faded from that day. I do remember the surgery being delayed four hours.
The next part of my story is another area I have had a lot of emotions dealing with the trauma that occurred that evening. Upon waking in recovery, I remember being in such pain thinking I was dying and in Hell, I was screaming for help as I watched people walk by me like I did not exist. I know this is true because when I was screaming and a nurse would walk by my bed and give me more pain meds, that was my assumption. It was not working and my screams got louder the pain was unbearable. I don’t know how long this happened, but I am thinking twenty minutes. Finally, a male nurse came over and I told him I was dying and wanted Sherrie there. I must have convinced him (Robert) because he got my wife and also called the anesthesiologist in. I learned his name was Robert and he never left my side through the next thirty minutes, I guess.
The anesthesiologist arrived and I told him something was wrong and that I felt I was going to die. He reviewed my files because he was new to this patient. With the nurse (Robert) and Sherrie standing by my side be blurted out, “No wonder you are in pain, the nerve block was placed in the wrong area and I am going to fix this” he said he was going to give me a 36-hour nerve block with Robert saying he didn’t know about all that, and it couldn’t come soon enough, they had to re-sanitize the area and get the meds prepared. I don’t know how long that took but I still thought I was not going to survive. This was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.
The nerve block was administered and it felt like electrical jolts being introduced to my leg, not a pleasant feeling but strangely started to take away the death feeling. I told Sherrie she had to get home, rest, and care for our fur babies and to get my father-in-law, Olen home because he had stayed with us all day at the hospital. Robert assured her he was not leaving my side and didn’t until pulling me to my bed in my room. He was a muscular dude with tattoos who took charge of my care and made bed transferal look like it was so simple. I closed my eyes and thanked God for the care and Robert the caregiver. Thank goodness I was allowed to stay overnight, but there were questions about whether or not I could stay. Again, Sherrie to the rescue before going home. She had insurance preapproval for the date needed and let them know I would be a guest there, room or not. I was in no shape to go home. I think I was moved to a room at about 1 a.m.
That night’s sleep was slim although I could not feel my leg, when I shut my eyes, I would wake up lying in the middle of my drive. Next, I would wake up in recovery feeling like death pain was entering my body. This went on probably till 5:00 am and I saw Sherrie awake on the cameras. I called her, I was safe for now. I couldn’t tell her yet. I could deal with this as I had many tragedies in my life but then again, I told her about those and she helped me work through them. Truth is I should have had professional help a long time ago but was good at masking my issues, although would lash out at the drop of the hat. I don’t know why she stayed with me but we had an unbelievable son and I loved them so much. Again, I can never make that up. We had good times but bad times as well, and I take responsibility for all my actions. I get so emotional now just thinking about the past and time lost with the two loves of my life. Michael is so advanced for his age and has wisdom beyond belief, saw my issues, and has slowly been prodding me to get counseling. He could see what I couldn’t.
The two traumatic instances continued with the pain medicine and nightmares. I knew I was in something I could not pull out of myself. I had to tell Sherrie; she was my rock. We both cried and she assured me she was there just as before.
I had lashed out at her, my son, and my oldest sister Debbie, I was taking pain medicine uncontrollably on Wednesday the 21st, one day after arriving home. I cried most of the day knowing I had to take control and put down the pain meds. I have not taken anything since that Wednesday. My mind began to clear and I spent the next day apologizing to my family and they all said they knew it was the painkillers. I knew at that time it was more. It was anxiety and memories of past incidents. I believe Sherrie with her Super Powers knew what I needed and called the insurance administrator and told my story. Monday, Tuesday I am not sure but the phone rang and Sherrie was at work, and I was busy writing the documentary of my journey for healing purposes. The sweetest lady was on the other end to check and see how I was doing. I broke down and told her my story and she said Sherrie had already shared it with her. She offered to set me up for counseling through our insurance. This was it, my chance for healing and I accepted. It will hopefully start next week I will be there with bells on. Video Chat of course but help is help. I told Michael and Sherrie and we all cried together. The nightmares are better after reading some self-help books and talking about the incident.
A divine power had intervened and saved me. I said I would not get religious and I won’t. I hope you can find that divine power and know your future as I do.
The most important part is to understand the traumatic incidents and how they affect your well-being Sherrie has heard it over and over as a crutch. Did I tell you she is a true Angel? Hopefully, we can start to heal together and I can begin to show her in the way she has me, to have returned without expectations, raw love.
Ending my events of mine, my mother fell and broke three ribs unknowingly causing her lungs to start filling with blood. She is still hospitalized. During her event, my father started to feel ill. They could not figure out other than he had Bronchitis with a white blood count of 15000. This means infection. Antibiotics were administered and sent home I think this was Saturday when he was admitted back to the hospital sick. Sherrie and I have never felt sicker of not being able to help with Mom and Dad. She and my father have a sweet, sweet relationship. We were stuck at home with me being immobilized five days post-surgery. Again, we prayed and hoped for better news Sunday. It was not good news. His white blood count had spiked to 42,000 I believe Sherrie knew he was in extreme danger and I figured out quickly that I had to get to the hospital now. Sherrie called her dad and he was there. Sherrie got me ready the best she could and called the fire department again and they were there, ready to load me in the Honda amber lamps (amber lamps is my slang for ambulance). Her sweet daddy drove me there.
It was my hardest trip from Weaverville to Advent in Fletcher. Enough about me. I thought this would be the last time I saw my dad and I was trying to be strong. The pain, the hurt was too much. I got to see him and tell him thanks for all and I loved him. Our family was a wreck all day not knowing how long. Mom was at Mission, and my Sweet Angelic sisters Patty, Debbie, and Niece Jessica were left to battle the unknown. I had to leave due to passing out pain and was rushed back home by Sherrie’s dad, Olen better known as Richard Petty. We made record time speeding down the interstate. I was scared to look. All I know is coming down the new 26 at New Stock, a TN van blasted past us. He says, “If you want to go let’s go”. I looked at the speed odometer and we were passing New Stock approaching 75mph fast. I saw the trooper backed behind the bridge. I yelled “Trooper” and in only a fashion Olen can do, he said, ‘If he sets there long enough, he will get him somebody” never letting up on the throttle. I laid back, praying we could make it home without delay. I kept expecting sirens but never did. We made it.
On the phone the rest of the day everyone was a wreck my sister Debbie left to make decisions for dad’s health. She was a rockstar but I felt I had to instill my two cents to make sure the family was in unison. I sent a text stating how blessed we had been to have a mother and father who were 89 years old. We could not be greedy and we were not in control. We all agreed that it was no longer in our hands. Due to exhaustion Sherrie, Debbie, Patty, and my niece, Jessica agreed, that they needed to rest for the next day. I can’t speak for others but I woke up thinking Dad was gone and I was at peace. Sherrie is a wreck but does not give up hope. The phone call came Monday morning he had survived the night. His white blood count had dropped over half. He was still critical but here. They were trying to move him to ICU but had to get him stabilized. They did more scans and determined it to be a raging infected gall bladder. They met and decided this was more than Advent could handle but he was too sick to move to Mission.
The wait began and once he was ready there was no transport available. At 9 p.m. or 10 p.m., he was transferred to Mission Hospital while we slept. He kept improving and went in for a one-time procedure to suck the poison out of his gallbladder and today the 28th he is healing from the procedure with the love of his life one floor below. We do not know the future but I do know I live amongst Angels and believe God’s will be served in our family. Whatever happens, I know I am on my way to healing and grateful for all those who said a kind word or prayed for us.
It is now July 20th and I am healing unbelievably. It has been hard work and still a journey to get to where I want to be. My parents are in a rehabilitation home with my mom getting out Friday. My is dad still having a few issues but we are hopeful for the next week or so. If that is a success, we will be looking to move them into a retirement home with some care. They are 89 years old and have been so healthy. We are so fortunate and blessed beyond comprehension to have enjoyed them all these years. We will always be conscious and grateful for what we have.
I hope for nothing more than this to help someone or be shared with someone in need and get them the help they need. My friends we live in a hurting world and I hope this will impact only but one, it will reach that one. Share a smile and a hug and be the change in someone’s life who can’t lift their head to see the light.
Next Chapter of My Life
November 2023
After a long healing period of no weight bare on my leg, I was starting to put weight and move some with a cane. I started to notice an issue with swallowing food and had to slow down and chew food in able to swallow. In normal fashion, I dismissed it as something gastric and I would work it out. By Christmas, it was even worse and I asked my doctor to get me a referral to Asheville Gastro. I also went to see her in the office. She felt like it could be a side effect from the Trulicity I was on for Diabetes. My levels had been really good and my A1C was in the normal range. With that, she decided to change me to a less potent medicine for diabetes. I agreed and started Jardiance in the second week of January 2024. At first, this medicine was fine but I began to feel my heart racing. I would lie down to keep it in check and get to where I was not moving much to keep my heart from racing. Two weeks later I was in the hospital with AFIB. They determined the Jardiance had caused my body to go into Ketoacidosis. They took me off the medicine immediately and I was in the Hospital for the next four days. On the fourth day, I was improving but my heart was still out of rhythm so they decided to cardiovert (shock) me back into rhythm. I returned home with hopes that I would improve and did for a week then my heart rate began to creep up again and I was not eating much at all. I went back to my doctor and she said she would get me in to see Asheville Gastro for an upper endoscopy. They kept putting me and her off. This place is ridiculous for digestive needs. They are backed up for at least six weeks and are the only game in town.
I called my doctor and decided to go to the emergency room to be admitted and get care through that route. It was a Friday afternoon and I told my wife I would not go to that place on a weekend. We waited till Sunday, March 10th to go early in the morning after shift change at 8:00 am. It was wonderful there, no crowds, just me and one other. They took me straight into triage and the ER doctor was great. He said they were going to get me a room and do some tests. I had a chest x-ray and a CT of my chest to see if he could see anything. I had been having shortness of breath and had a clear heart Cath on March 3rd. Sherrie and I were in the room waiting to hear back from the test. The doctor came back but not with good news. He was caring and I could not have asked for a better person to deliver bad news. He said the CTs had shown abnormally enlarged lymph nodes in both lungs and stomach. He said that I would be admitted with more tests to follow along with Massino cancer doctors who would be in to follow up with me. The situation unfolded so fast and unexpectedly, that Sherrie and I were floored by the news. We cried, hugged, and reassured each other we would be there to support each other. I am one of the most blessed people in the world to have a wife like Sherrie. She is the rock I always needed! My family has been supportive as well. I have said many times before even this past year when we thought we were going to lose Dad, that our family has not had a loss or tragedy in our immediate family for the sixty-three years of my life. We have truly been blessed and I would never be upset about anything that comes my way.
Tomorrow, March 19th, 2024 will be the day I go to the Cancer Treatment Center to find out about the biopsies that were taken at the hospital. Hopefully, at that time I will understand more and be able to make decisions on how to proceed at that time.
March 19, 2024
Today is answer day starting at 7 am. I had a follow-up appointment at Messino Cancer, for the results with Dr. Luk. I tried to let him speak as I was absorbing the news. It was rare stomach cancer (Mucinous adenocarcinoma) around here which had spread from my stomach to my lungs and neck. The prognosis was six to twelve months with or without treatment. Grim news, but I felt there was so much to do before self-pity. I felt a peace like never before being in a family of six for going on 63 years and being married to a beautiful wife and son who is twenty-four. We never had any kind of tragedy in our family other than a lot of close calls. God has looked after us so much that I could never be bitter or upset. I am so prepared for this final chapter in my life it is unbelievable. I spent time with my son this week as he came in from Boston. He is devastated and needs a shoulder to cry and feel the emotions we have gone through since the news. He was tired and emotional, as expected, yet we were thankful he was with us. My siblings, parents, and extended family have been amazing in understanding my wishes. I will have port placement coming up along with PET scans. I told the Doc I would go along with that, but refused to be sick from Chemo and radiation in the finality of my life. He said it was some strong stuff with lots of side effects. Side-effects are the keyword here. I have such an allergy list to medicines, it is unreal. I choose to live life no matter what the time frame with dignity and laughter doing it my way controlling my destiny. I will try some homeopathic treatments if I feel the need. My main goal in this is to educate people on this cancer. It is fast, once started but can be treated if found soon enough. Family and friends have been amazing in sharing stories of my life, most of them funny because that is the way I have lived. I have so much joy and love for each one that have responded. Thanks. My wife and son have been my rock of life for the past twenty-four-plus years. I am the luckiest guy alive!
If you or a loved one shows signs of difficulty swallowing, feel like there is something in your throat; your stomach feels strange, or indigestion. Please, go to your doctor and force them to refer you for further checks. This is a rare cancer around here but can be controlled if more communication is out there. This would be my hope and wish for my legacy. The other wish is for everyone to live, love, and laugh. Find that higher power to give you the peace that I have and you too will be in a world that is a better place. I love you Big!!
Sam Byrd 3/23/2024
May be continued as I traverse through this journey and I may choose that I have done all I can do to make my wishes come true. No matter what, as my father-in-law says “keep looking up”.
~
Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.
