I’m Okay

Years and years of childhood trauma. My mom was a drug addict my whole childhood all the way up until she died. I had to take in my 2 younger siblings, no one else would.
I lost my mom in 2018.

My sister dealt with things worse than me, as I was only SA she was Graped for 6 years. She committed 3 days after spending my 26th birthday with me.
I lost my sister in 2023.

All throughout my childhood and to this day, I was forced to do things I don’t want to do. Even my husband to this day still forces me to do things I don’t want to do, but I still do it for him…
I’ve been through SA ever since 2002.

In 2015-2016, I dated a guy and moved to California for him. We got our own place and everything. I got a bunny, then when I found out he was cheating, he killed her. He was extremely abusive. I left him at the end of 2016. Me and my current husband the first 4 years of our relationship/marriage, and we would beat on on each other.
I’ve been through DV from 2015 – 2020.

I’ve suffered with homelessness for years. With kids, while pregnant, it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.
I was homeless from 2015-2018, 2022-2023.

My husband slept with his best friends baby momma. He also slept with some 65 yr old crack head during our separation, and I walked in on them in bed when I was bringing the kids over for a surprise visit. he went crazy and tried to kill himself. He broke glass and ended up accidentally slicing my hand open when I was trying to stop him, I had to get 13 stitches.
I’ve been cheated on too many times, too count.

My best friends now current husband is a pedo. He got caught trying to sleep with a minor the age of my young sister. She didn’t tell me about this until about 4 months after it happened. And she still married him and brought him around my family. Betrayed in 2021.

I let my brother and his pregnant gf live with us, and they used me and disrespected me the whole time, and refused to help around the house. It caused us to get in a huge fight, I was also 4 months pregnant, and he beat me up and pushed me down like I didn’t mean anything.
I was stabbed in the back and made me feel like my own brother didn’t care about me.

Once I started having kids. And trying to survive in life. My whole family turned their heads on us. Refused to help me, never invited me to holidays, birthday, or any kind of events, like I didn’t even exsit. And mind you, I’ve never done any kind of drug in my entire life. And i was always there for them. I just felt cursed, but I mainly felt forgotten.

I have never had a break my entire life. It has always been a struggle.

I’m a mom of 4, I kept 3 and gave my last child up for adoption. I just couldn’t do it mentally. I gave her to a gay couple, but they ended up abusing her and broke 4 of her bones at only 3 months old. I had to go to court, and i only got her back for a week until i had to find a new family for her, while all of that was happening my relstionship was going down the drain and i was living in a hotel with 5 kids. So i didn’t have a choice but to give her up all over again. She’s doing amazing now. She’s about to be 2 years old, and she’s beautiful, and her family is amazing.

I’m with the same man that put me through hell and back, that destroyed my self-confidence and killed my happiness all those years ago. But I still love him. He finally changed. And I still care about him. I love my kids. And Im currently kind of okay in life right now. We’ve had our own place without government help for the past 2 years now. I’m definitely not in a happy place mentally. i feel like i never will be, but I’m okay.