Why do I have to endure so much pain so young

I love kpop and everything that comes from Korea but the problem is that I come from an Islamic family and that means no one is allowed to know about it. My mother recently got a new cell phone and she planned that I would get her old one but my father was always against me getting a cell phone so my mother wanted to take it slow and hid the cell phone first but I found it. I downloaded Instagram and Snapchat on it and I had contact with a boy that I had saved with hearts. I then went to pick up my little brother with my cell phone but my brothers saw how I put it in my pocket and took it away from me on the street I tried to run away but they just hit me and an old grandpa just watched. In the end I said goodbye to my little brother and wanted to commit suicide and ate detergent but then my brother came home and hit me with a stick. My mother tried to hold it up but then I hit my head. I have bruises and I’m not sure if I’ll survive at all because I ate detergent. I’ve bitten my hand several times and I don’t see the meaning of my life anymore. I’m tired of it I just want to die. Only my father doesn’t know about it, otherwise I’d be dead a long time ago. At school I always smile but at home I just cry and try to find a way to die. I am 14 years old and go to a very good school but life has no meaning anymore. I think I will die soon. My hands are shaking and I have a stomachache all the time. I hope that other people who like kpop can also pursue their and my dream.
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This is a translation of “Warum muss ich so jung so viel Schmerz ertragen”, a post that was shared anonymously and just published on this site.