Dedication: MY EX-BESTFRIENDS.
Hi, I have a lot to share, I am a teenager, 16 y/o. I wanted to share my story because I want to move forward and maybe to do that, I might have to look back once again, not to dwell there but to take a look and be satisfied with whatever happened, it was for a reason, and good reasons actually that have completely changed me as a person.
So, In 2016 I changed schools, I was in 5th standard in my new school, It was great but just one thing that wasn’t, my mother became mentally ill at that time, and until now she is but she’s better than before. I was just an 8-year-old kid and I did not know how serious that was but that was a thing going on in my house, my parents used to fight a lot before my mother got really sick and my father too but he is not a mental patient but still everyone in my family seems to be ill all the time. The struggles we had because our mother was not able to do household work and she got a long time of Medical leave from her school, My sister and I used to do a lot of work even though we were not sure of what we were doing at that time and our father, he used to work so hard, taking care of our mother and us and then he had to go to his school too. As we were little kids we couldn’t help much but I guess the circumstances made us strong enough to look after ourselves. Yes, I agree that these hardships do make me stronger but that was not the biggest turn or change. The biggest life lessons I have learned are from my school and friends.
So, until 7th standard everything was so good, I had a best friend and I was so scared to lose her, In 8th grade somewhere in October or November 2019 things got changed, she suddenly started acting different, I don’t know, actually I still don’t know the reason, I lost her and with her, I lost the so many things. There was this guy who came into my life after her so I let him in when I was so alone and hurt, HERE I LEARNED ”IF YOURE HURT NEVER EVER IN YOUR LIFE YOU SHOULD LET ANYONE IN WHEN YOU’RE ALL ALONE BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE HAS LEFT, IT DONT GIVE YOU ANY RIGHT TO TRY TO FILL THAT GAP WITH SOMEONE ELSE ”. It was a wrong decision but we became best friends and he would not let anyone else talk to me, I became really alone, a total loner, It was like people repel from me and that was when I got to know the truth, My ex-best friend, she would also not talk to me because of that guy.
I was no one’s favorite, and no one would sit with me for lunch so I started to skip lunch, and that became a habit. On top of that teachers always resent me and saw me as a bad girl, I don’t know maybe that was just their way of looking, I never liked any of my teachers. And in 2020, there was a lockdown many of you must know about that now.
I got really sick which made me gain so much weight in a short period, I gained 10 kg weight. I was fat I can say and then after school reopened I became hella insecure about everything, First thing was no one ever talked to me and no one would sit with me after all this time I get it ok, I was not fat really, I stopped eating lunch I would throw it away or sometimes I would hide it at home and I would sit like a robot in class always. I used to hear my ex-best friend laugh so hard with her friends that it would be made me feel so bad and I couldn’t stop my tears. Days passed the guy used to fight with me so much. Everyone sided with him because they did not want to take his bad side of him, I don’t like any of my classmates. Not to mention the guy I like also never talked to me in front of him. I used to come to school and whole day not standing from my seat I would wait for the school bell to ring and I would go home.
One day in 2021, I got sick and I thought ”FUCK IT” now It’s me and myself. I found music and I found me. I was the weird girl in every aspect yet everyone envied me and I wanted to write so many things that I skipped but I can’t for that I might have to write a book with a lot of editions, for now, this is it.
so far the thing is ”YOU SUFFER AS LONG AS YOU CHOSE TO SUFFER, NO ONE ELSE CAN MAKE YOU SP MISERABLE UNLESS YOU ALLOW THEM TO OR UNLESS YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DOWN TO THE POINT YOU CANT BREATHE”.
thank you …
Also, I left that school and I will never let anyone bring me down to their level again, I have made myself the person I want, THIS IS MY LIFE, I CAN DO THINGS AS I WANT, and NO ONE WILL EVER SUPPRESS OR MANIPULATE ME INTO A LIFE THAT THEY DESERVE NO T ME”