Dedication: I would like to inspire all the young ladies
I have always had a weird way of thinking. I am sure there are people out there in this big world that can relate.
Actually, let me be more specific and label myself-as society would do, “Introvert”. Lol, I guess it is my personality trait.
Since I was a little girl, I had this believe that I was the only person on the planet. Weird I know, I would only see people when going out of my “comfort or safe zone” – example to the kitchen or stepping outdoors. Once I was back in my “safe zone” my room, in the restroom or anywhere else for that matter, where I wasn’t surrounded by people, that weird feeling returned. “OH…. I am alone. Am I being recorded. This feels like a movie, I wonder what’s happening in the next room. Are there real people? Do I only see them when I enter a room” My mind would just race away. I didn’t mind being alone at all, because it was my safe zone. There was no pressure from the outside. I could daydream and just be happy. However, there came times I felt alone but not lonely because I would always find a way to kill the boredom. I allowed the term “Introvert” to completely take hold of me
I began to conform to the norms of society – I began to believe in the psychological terms and every time loved ones encouraged me and saw something great in me, I would basically just shut the door to the prophecies over my life, because hey, I am an “Introvert” and people like me, we like being by ourselves or in smaller circles. An introvert only feels comfortable around certain people and can be their true self around the right people – we not boring people we just have a set way of doing things, basically we just enjoy a peaceful environment. (I guess for once I can agree with society.)
Over the years as we all know life presents us with so many obstacles – some breathe taking and some dreadful. I have become so in tuned with the phrase “Go with the flow”, Yes!!! That is how I lived my life, not realizing the harm I was causing to myself.
As mentioned before, I had loved ones encouraging or prophesying over me, but what did I do? SHUT the DOOR and just went back into my bubble!!! Because I couldn’t see myself as good enough. My excuse was “I am shy. I am scared. I don’t fit in; I don’t wear name-brands etc.” lol, some would say what a lame excuse or even go as far as saying attention seeker, but what I now realize is that I had a very low self-esteem and a lack of confidence big time, my gosh!
Well as introverted as I was back then, I must say I had good school friends – I only had 2 close friends and they were like my sisters, of which I am still very close with one. They carried me, they were my crutches. I never realized it until later in my life. Lol, what’s new…. I always seem to realize things when it’s too late. Never the less they were there for me always. Besides them I had other school friends which I was quite comfortable talking to during school hours but not socialize outside school.
This particular person had a very attractive spirit. He was well groomed and when you looked at him, you could see that he would make a success of his life. The goofy me would always joke around with him and say…” beside becoming an Accountant, you’re going to be a priest and I am going to marry you”. Lol, nope I am not married yet and nope, I am not in a relationship with him and never was. My friends and I predicted all kind of career paths for him, but becoming a PRIEST was what we said he would be. It turns out he is a priest today. Basically, what I am getting at – words carry power, especially when they are fruitful and the intentions are pure. (I now understand, I am experiencing the prophecies of my loved ones on my life). I truly admired this guy. He was so disciplined at school; he was our head boy. He was helpful and oh yes, me only saw him get upset once, but it was not the kind of upset I would express. His was so firm, yet calm and gentle…. lol, wish I could be that way inclined.
I think what transpired in the subconscious – I began to observe his character to his personality traits, to what people spoke about him, not knowing that years later I would read an article about him on social media. The way it was written was even better than how I am articulating it now. I truly admired him even though I never got to witness his spiritual journey. I believe I had to cross paths with him, his spirit connected with mine. Today I can see and feel it. He played a part in my life maybe not as visible as it should have been, but look at what I am doing now. A classmate from the past, I use to joke around with and only saw at school has touched my spirit. Yip once again God was at work and only, He knew, when I was ready, He would open the door from the past and allow my spirit to be awaken.
I love reflecting it helps me see things I didn’t understand then, understand it better now and to prepare me for the future. I met wonderful people over the seasons of my life. Each season for some reason presented me with a spiritual person, come to think of it, most of my seasons but I ignored that spiritual person – (My Down and Out seasons), yet the Big Man was persistent and never got tired of sending his messages to me. He knew my heart then and now.
My Down and Out seasons, wow!!! I came across so many wonderful souls- young and old and the stories they’ve shared with me. From being lost and found by God. To how the Holy Spirit guided them when they were unsure of their journey. How lonely they felt. How some needed to party every weekend. How being popular was very important. What it meant to set a trend. Losing a loved one. Falling, getting up and falling again etc. The list goes on and on. I was in awe – how their lives changed in a blink of an eye, but it took God to work in advance and be patient with his children – (A father who has and shows unconditional love). It’s amazing how it all concluded to this key word “PATIENCE” now this is a label I want attached to me.
This was probably one of my awakening seasons in my life. I had plans to be a nurse, my parents were very supportive. Dad passed on, but mom continued to encourage and motivate us even though she was dealing with the loss of a husband, best friend and father/uncle of her children. May their beautiful souls continue to rest in peace!
God had different plans for me. I ended up doing 2 courses related to children, as I said my mom was phenomenal, she always supported her children. I am sure she and God had a secret conversation.
Anyway, I ended up working at a center “Victory Kids” very dear to my heart. A special needs center for kids with autism. Yip, yip, now you understand why I said my spirit was awaken in this season of my life. The owner of this school, wow…. just speaking about her waters my eyes, such a beautiful woman. A woman of God, the Holy Spirit surrounds her. She was God’s helper; I truly believe it. I was a young broken-hearted and silent angry woman but had a smile on my face most of the time (with outside people). I hid most of my pain behind my broad smile. I guess I thought I would never overcome my anger/pain, but ooey boy, it was just the begin of my journey. The Lord was running after me!!!
In this season so many seeds were planted that only a few grew, because I was a lazy caregiver, only watered the seeds when I realized it needed water, but God is so good that some seeds didn’t need me to water them because the Almighty was watering them and while I thought those seeds died, they were actually spreading, preparing to rise, and bear fruits – To blossom.
God does not give up on His children. I have failed him so many times, but His grace and mercies are sufficient for all of us.
The Lords roots were and are rooted so deep in me, even if I tried to dry out His roots, they will never lack water. His water is the water that freshers every time
I do not know my bible by heart, but remember key words and recall stories about the scriptures.
Jeremiah 17:8
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river and will not fear when heat comes, but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.
Now the above scripture I heard when I went with Bev to church. If I recall, it was on Women’s Day, the sermon was so powerful. I listen but I tell you when I left, I was refreshed. But somehow the “flesh” dried up along the way, but the “spirit” was still alive.
Yes!!! I can see now that the Lord has planted his roots in the depths of my soul. My spirit has never dried up, the roots of the Lord received water and my spirit remained green even though the flesh was failing and only saw drought, the spirit was and is growing. It is preparing its self to bare fruits. I thank God that my spirit did not cease in the drought!!!
Everything or person I have encounter was meant to be on my journey.
I am a daughter of the King. I am meant to survive the drought. I am meant to blossom because I have a purpose. This is just the beginning of” REFLECTING on the seasons of my life” and thus far I see how I felt and what I thought of myself and how I blamed society, but God has shown me through reflecting how He has never broken His promise. I will still get to reflect more as time goes. I might discover and understand why He has done things the way He has, but even if I never get to understand, my trust is in my father, because the flesh might fail but my spirit is His.
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
“The Lords is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there is freedom. All of us, then reflect the glory of the Lord with uncovered faces, and the same glory, coming from the Lord, who is the Spirit, transforms us into his likeness in an ever-greater degree of glory”.
#TheGirlintheDesert