Stuck

There’s a lot I wanna say to you but cant. I can’t explain why you just changed my whole life in ways I can’t even break to you. Everyday I think about what life would be like if I weren’t here and when I see your face it reminds me that I have purpose in this world and I know that it shouldn’t take a guy for me to realize that but I don’t think you understand how much you help me. You’re the one who has pulled me up and made me feel like I’m worth something. Your presents and love is everything I need. I have EXTREME depression and when my therapist says “im surprised you haven’t killed yourself” is crazy. I don’t eat at all and when I do it hurts. There’s a lot wrong with me. I’m on birth control now because I was pregnant with K’s baby and had a miscarage. It’s been really hard this year for me letting my past go. You don’t know these things because I’m scared to tell you because I can’t lose you. I literally have no family. It’s just me and I’m scared to lose the one thing that reminds me of family. I cry every night when I go to sleep. I live my life like I have a plane but in reality I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m so lost trying to make it by and I’m barely making it by. I can’t cry at night. My family hates me and I can’t deal with another loss. I lost a child I didn’t ask for and I lost my family. I lost everything and you’ll never know how hard it is. How hard it is to be me. I’m just trying to get by without dying before I’m 18. I’m only 16 and barely making it without anyone. I fend for myself because that’s all I can do. You make me cry sometimes, it’s the pain and thought of loosing my home and family kills me.When your rude to me on accident or something it makes me feel worthless and it makes me feel like nobody loves me and it breaks me you break me when i look at you it just brakes me because i know your going home and i never will im trying to make it and im slowly loosing my mind and i feel im in to deep and i cant get it back out. Im not good at making friends im actually scared of talking to people but in this world you cant be or your just weird or trash so i become what im not and its exhausting im actually antisocial and hate talking to people but i cant be that i just cant. I loose myself over the smallest things and it effects me like someone just died. I’m too sensitive for my own good. The pain and lose i deal with everyday makes me go crazy. Im loosing everything slowly but surly my aunt called me ignorant and stupid and that ill never be loved the way i should be. What if thats true? What if im not loved? What happens then? Do I win an award? I cant keep floating through life like i mean something to everyone and that everyone wants to be there for me i just want to know who my true family is and its hard because ill never show you this document no matter how bad i want to your eyes will never see it because im scared of making people mad. Im sorry im not the person you asked to be with im sorry i have my problems but i cant fix them no matter how many medications i take they never help. Im stuck in the dark 25/7. I cant fix me.