I’m the person who doesn’t open up to anyone so close even then how I’m going to share this is not so easy.
I’m the girl who suffered Allot of learning problems. It was not because I wasn’t intelligent, it was because I was never there were I wanted to be.
I was 6 years old, merely 6, an energetic baby girl, with two ponies, running in the streets of my village with a rolling tyre and a stick in my hand, hitting the tyre so hard that It shouldn’t stopped but it stopped…
We were supposed to move to Wah Cantt. I never imagined saying good-bye to my village where there were all my happinesses. My father took us all here. I cried all the way. It was the first time when I lost my trust in, ‘ PERMANENCE OF HAPPINESS”.
My first day at school was another trouble I was destined to face and the factor that was enhancing this problem was it was a government school where teachers had nothing to do with a student’s issue, specifically when they were not apparent. IT WAS NOT MY BODY THAT WAS INJURED BUT MY BRAIN. No one was able to see those wounds in the brain of 6 years old little girl. It was time for assembly and everyone gone for it whilst I was standing, hiding myself beyond a tree thinking, WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE A PART OF A QUEUE.
A girl told me that for making someone your Friend, two fingers, index and the middle are joint with their these two fingers. This made me even more confused. WHY FRIENDSHIP A HUGE TERM NEEDS A GESTURE OF TWO FINGERS CROSSED? As I was friend of nature in my village, these worldly friends and their requirements were Alien to me.
I never wanted to go to school. Ma’am never paid me enough attention. She used to compare me with a brilliant girl, Anum, who used to boost for being more than me and it made me gone aggressive.
I remember one day, ma’am went for a quiz, ‘How should a house be?’ and I answered, ‘House should be clean even if not big’. Although the answer was right but suddenly I start making circles on the page with the pencil abruptly penetrating into and tearing the page up because I knew even If I answer her, she will say, ‘ YOU’VE DONE CHEATING”. She never believed in me and I never made her believe in me !
Ma’am sent anum to see what Sania is doing and she told ma’am that, “SANIA IS MAKING CIRCLES ON PAGE.”
With all my anger I pressed the pencil on my hand and it nib broke into mid of my Palm. (It’s still there)
Till 4th standard I failed in passing in English Everytime as I didn’t even recognize ABC , and I was just promoted to next class every year. But in the 4th class I couldn’t have managed to get promoted even and I failed the exams twice. It was the time, when my brother, 18 years older than me, started paying me attention in a loving way, (before he used to insult me for not being enough). He started trusting me and I started my best to maintain his trust. He told a friend of him about me that I’ve a sister so stubborn and strange. His Friend asked about my name and my brother told him, ‘HER NAME IS SANIA’. The person said, ‘CHANGE HER NAME, GIRLS WITH THIS NAME ARE OFTEN DUMB’. When my brother was discussing this with my mother, I heard that. I TRULY LOVED MY NAME. I REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO GET IT CHANGED. TO KEEP MY IDENTITY I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO GOOD AND ENOUGH WITH THE NAME SANIA.
So I opened my science’s book and started learning (cramming), ‘ELECTRIC BELL’S FUNCTIONING’. I also started learning ABC with the help of my sister. I started offering prayer 5times a day, and asked اللّهﷻ, ‘I DON’T WANT MY NAME TO BE CHANGED, PLEASE HELP ME’ and after an year result of 4th class was announced. ‘I STOOD FIRST IN THE CLASS.
MY NAME SURVIVED AND SO DID I. IF THEY WOULD’VE CHANGED MY NAME, I WOULD’VE DIED OF SORROW.
I’M SANIA AND MY NAME IS ALIVE BECAUSE I’VE TRIED TO KEEP IT ALIVE. I’M STILL NOURISHING MY NAME. I LOVE MY NAME AND I WANT NO BODY TO CHANGE IT. :-)’
STRUGGLES MADE BY A DUMB BRAT(SANIA AWAN)
