My tragic then beautiful story

Dedication: I dedicate this story to anyone who has been bullied to anyone who is hurting and to everyone who takes the time to hear my story

Hi I guess my tragic story began my first year of intermediate I guess you could have called me nieve, loud and annoyin. I had no friends for a long time until I got peared with a girl called well let’s call her Maria and she was sweet and by hanging out with her led to other girls let’s call them Lexi and Paige it was us four we got on really well until Lexi overtime became manipulative I noticed she was always criticising me for how I acted, it didn’t bother me she was annoyed with me I just kept doing what I wanted overtime it turned into her talking mean things about me to the other girls in the group and spreading roumers about me so I got really upset as any 11 yr would I texted Lexi And told her I didn’t want to be friends with her because she was so mean to me and she said she would kill herself if I wasn’t her friend and I got really scared I didn’t fully understand to the full capacity what that meant but still stupidly I stayed the bullying continued and I seeked help from several teachers school counseler my parents and my sister who at the time was a few grades above me. Nobody did anything it hit yr 8 and I finally spit from Lexi Paige and Maria I was alone everyday nobody would sit with me or talk to me because Lexi told them not to I sat in the badly lit hallway on the cold floor eating my lunch every day for over 6 months nobody cared and sooner or later I began not to either I got really sad thinking it was my fault nobody liked me and I punished myself I started cutting not badly just enough for my head to stop hurting just till my thoughts we quiet the next day I didn’t really know what to do I reached out to an old friend who I’ve been friends with for 8 years let’s call him James but had not seen him due to him making his own friends I showed him my arm and he walked away saying nothing later that day during the whole school assembly I got pulled out and taken by a strange guy he took me to a small room and told me to show him my arms I did he said why did you do this and I told him all the things those girls did to me and how that effected me when the bell rang I went home I never saw him again and nothing ever happened to the girls I got home to my mum almost crying she said I got a call from a friend saying you e been hurting yourself I showed her my arms embarrassed and regretting I’d ever done it she cried as for James he had gone off and told everyone I’d cut myself and word got around to the Councilor, I understood why he told people he was scared but he should have told the other student I had people coming up to me pulling up my jearsey so they could see my wrists I hid a cried. I met a girl let call her ame we bonded so well we were inseparable Her and my best friend James started dating then thy broke up then James told me he was bi them me and ame has a fight and that was it for the end of year 8 I hung out with James my Cousin Lizzy and funny enough Maria joined me too we were all in the same class in year 9 all best friends me James Maria Lizzy and Lizzy neighbour Kate she was real quiet and I wasn’t close with her but I still liked her. Ame was in my class too she still hated me for I don’t actually know what we fought about but she was always giving me dirty looks. By then I would have spent 3 years in therapy for what Lexi did I had big trouble letting go of the hurt and loneliness that I blamed her for. James came out gay it way me and James 9 th year of friendship James and I have a funny friendship it was kind love/hate where we’re like Bonnie and clide without the being in love we had our fights but we got over them he had a lot of issues he worked through therapy with he would take his anger out on me and Maria and Lizzy and Kate more Lizzy than most cause she was little I was the only one he would listen to and instead of being his friend I turned into his babysitter it was weighing me down having to make sure he wouldn’t be mean to the girls in the group I was still going through so much and trying to move through what Lexi did and I felt like I had to help him like I had to fix him it was hard but I loved him. it was November he had been hanging out with ame all day to make me upset me Lizzy Maria and Kate for class had to create a Christmas play he then later came up to us upset asking why he’s not in our group for it and I said to him you have been mean to us all day I think it’s good if we have a little break maybe go into Harry’s group I suggested to which he lost it and had a melt down screaming and crying about how he hates all of us and then I just said to him we don’t want you in our group because you have been mean to us the next day he pulled us out of class and said to us that his mum thinks it would be better if her was not friends with us that being friends with us was not good for his mental health I lost it YOUR MENTAL HEALTH WHAT ABOUT ME WHAT ABOUT MINE I said to him don’t you dare call me your bestie it this is how your gonna treat me he began bullying me for weeks him and ame bullied me saying insults tripping me up spreading Lies telling everyone I was a bitch and a bad friend I never responded to any of it I ignored it and him he after Christmas I got a message from him saying how sorry he was and we just wants us to be friends (this was one of the longest fights we’ve ever had, but also the most hurtful) I responded responsibilitie telling him how much hurt he had cause us and how what he did was not ok he had gone to Lexi and tried to be friends with her after everything she’s done to and be knew he really did me like that she started bullying me again I vomited I was so scared or anxious I don’t really know but her being mean to me made me sick he hurt me and he knew he could of stopped but didn’t I’m now yr 10 I’m 15 throughout this year he’s been harassing me wanted to be friends (he’s hurt me too much) I’ve stood my ground and made myself clear I want nothing to do with him I still do therapy for all the pain I don’t let go of I don’t know why I hold on to hurt but the reason why I told you my sad story back then is so you can hear my happy one now I recently cleared my acne through a specialist and and as confident as ever I have good friends who I feel safe with and I have healthy boundaries I don’t tolerate bullied and I tell them what they are doing is wrong I’m still working through letting go but I we’ll on my way it ok to get sad sometimes because it is sad that my friend of 9 years did me wrong but I’m am healthy I am happy and I am alive I loved for the day I would feel this good I never would have thought that I could be happy again but here I am smiling and feeling like I can and that I love myself i have created my own happiness and built stepping stones where other left crumpled stone I built a cast around my broken heart and I got up every morning and. Faced every day with a smile because I am beautiful and caring and amazing and I just want to tell anyone who’s struggling or who has ever struggled with bulling or letting go or PTSD I want you to keep going I don’t care how long it takes you to let go keep trying to keep waking up and believing today will be different believe it will be better know that I hear you know that you are valued know that your hurt matters know that YOU MATTER
Thanks you for hearing my story you are the first to ever hear it