Dedication: to all the women/young girls who has or experiencing childhood sexual abuse.
Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains descriptions of childhood rape and sexual abuse.
Hello, little one. It’s me; the bigger you. We live our lives still like one. You lived through the horrors, and I live with the memories and struggles of our painful and horrible past.
I know you didn’t understand why he chose you; six years old, innocent, and full of life. As you laid there in the dark and he appeared unclothed, exposing you to something that you had never seen. I know that in that moment you knew something was not right. I know that you didn’t understand what was about to happen. He whispered in your ear as he laid on top of your small body and told you that you better not tell anybody, or he would kill your mother and father. I know he hurt you on that night. I know that you had no idea that night was only the beginning of years of sexual abuse and that you would be forced into sexual acts not only with him, but with another innocent one. I know that everything that you were created to be shifted. I know on that night darkness took over you. I know on that night you became numb. I know on that night your soul left your body. I know on that night you were disconnected, separate from love, and everything of good.
Darkness became your source of light. Rape of not only your body but of mind, spirit, and a young beautiful life. Living in secret and fear, hurt and pain. You were so strong, my little me, because you lived through it all – you endured the deepest and ugliest horrors.
Today my little me, it is time for me to stand and take power over my life so I can begin the steps to properly heal our shared wounds. A past that has prevented me to live life as God created me to live. I hurt for you. I have spent many, many years living your pain, your hurt, your shame, your guilt, your worthlessness, your lack of confidence, feeling dirty and nasty. Feeling isolated, small, unworthy and unwanted.
I will stand today, my little me, and I will take over from here. I give you permission to release the little me that lives within, this body is no longer your dwelling place. You have no more power or control over me. I’m no longer afraid. I will be free! I will live free! I will be HEALED.
I decided to take my journey back to love, because I got tired of living in mental and physical bondage.
I discovered that as I began to tell my story I felt a sense of freedom and power. My prayer life increased. I started reading the Bible more and learned that I was created to be something beautiful. I’m not who I believed I was in results of my horrible past. I’m who he created me to be. I told my story one Sunday at my brother’s church and the response was overwhelming, I learned that I didn’t walk alone because others came to me with their stories.
I began therapy; one of the best decisions I made. Long story short, I got on the internet and found Brave Step!!! Made the call and a very energetic friendly welcoming voice was on the other end. My first visit was in November of 2018. Here at Brave Step, I’m connecting with other survivors that shared a common experience as I did. Because of peer group, I have a better understanding of the impact on my life as well as others, and I don’t walk alone. I know that we all can live healthy and loving lives. I believe that it’s important to tell our stories, our voices matter and need to be heard and believed. The more I share my story the taller I stand, in strength, and in power. In telling our stories we can inspire, encourage, and bring hope to others to start their healing journey.
My brave step was taking power away from the little girl within and taking control over my life so I can heal and be free.
My advice to others is to seek therapy with a professional that specializes in childhood sexual abuse. Surround themselves with compassionate supportive people who believe them. Find a peer group for support. You have a right to be free.
“Do Not Be Ashamed of Your Story It Will Inspire Others.”.
Written By: Sharon Jordan