I had promised myself that i would document every step of grief , but i wasnt very ready of the heaviness in my heart and the emptiness my soul has been feeling , it feels like a part of me has left , and sigh……….
I dont know how to move on from this , i just know that my father would tell me right now “Get up and live”
23rd January 2026 , i got that one call that has been the most terrifying thought for a while , as an adult , i was and still i am a daddy’s girl , but the night of 23rd changed everything “Your father has been found dead inside the vehicle”, i do not remember anything else i said , i can only recall screaming until i couldnt anymore.
My old man had gone and nothing was returning him back to us , and that was the wake up thought the next day , i took up the journey , 650km to where my fathers body was kept , Malaba border , few minutes to Uganda , thats where his heart got tired and he succumbed to a heart attack.
The postmortem results got me laughing so hard , they said my fathers heart had enlarged and it got me thinking “What else do they expect from a man who loved so deeply and protected so fearcely ?” that was my father.
As a trailer driver , he became the greates champion of the work we do at Rebirth of a Queen , he would spare money to buy our women shelter vegetables and deliver them to us , he often said “I dont understand your work clearly , but i know you have a kind heart and i will support you with all that i have” That was my father.
Back to the funeral arrangements…..
My life quickly shifted from my fathers child , to the adult who had to ensure my father gets a decent send off , and no one prepares you to the expense of a funeral , and to make it more interesting , a luo man funeral , and my father being the first born. ( luo is one of the 45 tribes in Kenya who lives by the lakeside of Kenya)
I had the burial date ready , the next thing was setting up a fundraiser , what do you mean i need to ask for help? My mind went wild until a friend showed up and took over the fundraising. it was 2 weeks of chaos , learnings and “remaining strong” as everyone told me.
In my mind , i had one last mission for my father , a decent send off , thats all that was keeping me going , and i had to wear a tough spirit to plan everything to ensure it was in order, and on the burial date 5th February 2026 , i took a deep breathe…..
As the coffin was going down , my fathers journey was over , but his children , family , community had just began , to me , i had to pick up my sanity where i left , when i got that call on 23rd January 2026.
I am here reminding myself that this is a journey i dont wish to rush , this is a journey i am taking notes in every step , my old man legacy was too big , it feels like a shoe we can never fit , but one day at a time , we live to continue his legacy in the best way we can
This is just the beginning. May his heart rest in peace.
~
Photo credit: Images provided by the storyteller.
