Some random things I want to get off my chest I guess

Health is currently the class I’m failing most in and one of my least liked classes
Health is supposed to be really easy and I get good results on the tests but the thing is I don’t do the homework even though it’s really easy. It’s just that I don’t feel like doing it and yeah

Before the school changed my schedule I had a different health teacher who I liked better because he was pretty chill and had a low voice like my biology teacher. He didn’t seem to mind too much about what I was doing so I would draw in class.

However my new health teacher is a little bit more stern and if she saw me drawing in class instead of working she would make me put it away or she would take it.
Today we did an assignment in class and it wasn’t even for a grade. I didn’t learn anything new so I spent an hour wasting my time. It was about teen-dating and stuff and how to be careful when you are dating at a young age which was nothing new, like respect and boundaries.

Since I’m failing I’m gonna have to retake it next quarter unfortunately
In middle school I was hoping to take part in a fun class like art or something but I didn’t get to, instead I’m in health because in middle school we were suppose to fill out some kind of form thing to choose our electives and these people showed us how to but I wasn’t paying attention because I was drawing and now I have to face the consequences of my actions.

I emailed my teacher but she never responded and I was too scared to ask anyone in person;
so that’s on me.

A kid named C*** in my health class and some other classes said being in health class felt like being in a jail cell and I couldn’t agree less.

P.E. Teachers make their job look so easy, all they do is tell us to do some exercise and they can literally just sit there all day and get paid. They don’t have to grade any paperwork and they have the weekends off.

Maybe I should be a P.E. Teacher

In sixth grade I had a P.E. teacher named Ms. K*** and she was pretty cool
She didn’t have to but she ran with us during the mile and would talk to me sometimes while I walk

There’s this one particular conversation I had with her that I wish I never had
I feel so embarrassed that I can’t believe I said any of that to her
She asked me about my hobbies and I said drawing and like of course when you tell an adult you like to draw they tell you that you will be a famous artist when you grow up. My art wasn’t really terrible and was pretty good for my age but still pretty bad
If an artist with a trained eye sees my art they would think it is dogshit which it is.

If a non-artist about the same age as me sees my art they would think it’s a masterpiece.

Anyways, we were talking about my hobbies and then she asked about my family.
I said I have two younger sisters
She asked me about them like their name and age and stuff
I’m close with my youngest sister so I said good things about her and talked about how close we are. I know I just said I’m close with my youngest sister but now that I think about it we aren’t that close. I talked about my other sister and also I wanted to be different so bad at the time; what I mean by that is I would say that I hate pink even though I secretly liked it and would only wear black or “boyish” clothes. I was a wannabe tomboy and I would slur-shame and degrade other girls that like to be feminime and wear makeup.

I often slut shamed girls who wore revealing clothes or liked sexual attention or activities and talked about boys
I called them attention thirsty whores
Turns out I was the attention thirsty “whore”
But now I know its okay for anyone to be slutty
I even thought I was trans and pansexual and that I was meant to be a guy
It was so cringy so no wonder people avoided me
I would say bruh a lot and brag about how I play video games and watch memes instead of tik tok like every white girl.

So my second younger sister is a girly girl who would post tik tok dances with her friends and wear crop tops. I mean she was really annoying and cringy as well but not as bad; it was 2018 or something at the time so it makes sense.

I talked about how she’s more girly than me and how quirky I was and shit compared to the other kids an the time we got our ears pierced and I was the only one who didn’t do it because “earrings weren’t my thing”, now I really wish i gotten my ears pierced because I want earrings so bad I’m such a dumbass.

I shamed my sister for wearing crop tops and twerking
So about how I’m not close to my youngest sister, we play and talk to each almost everyday
It may seem like we are best friends who have a lot in common and she looks up to me but, I know she actually thinks less of me.
She‘s like a little me but 10x better so she could care less about me
She doesn’t look up to me, she looks down on me
I know she doesn’t hate me but still
I thought we were the greatest of friends but the older she got the more independent she became and she realizes she doesn’t need me and I know she sees how much of a loser I really am

I’m always alone so I tend to cling to almost anyone that talks to me so I feel like they are my best friend when really they aren’t

But I’m not that desperate I have standards too even though I don’t have much of a choice

I wanna set a good example and be someone my sisters look up to; be someone they admire and want to be like.

Instead I’m the opposite. I set an example of what not to be like.

Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.