Hi guys, my name is Chavonne. I was always a shy girl, I started preeschool and EVERYTHING was fine, the first two years went smoothly, then I started primary school the first two years, amazing. Then it was Grade 3 and this time I was really looking foward to it. But people changed, they never like me as much as they did and they would avoid me. No one would want to hang out with me and so I started playing with grade 2s, I was only in grade 3 that time. Now for a shy girl, I had a nasty temper, so I would beat really well. So at home I was shown a lot of love by my family and friends, but now because of the way I’m being treated at school, I thought it was all a lie. And so everytime a person will get me angry I would beat them up. But at school I was very different, I was quiet and innocent. There was this top student who was in my preeschool and ever since primary school started, he never like me, I don’t know why but yeah. One day Mam put me next to me and he would constantly snitch on me for everything and he would insult me infront of everyone, it went on for a long period of time until mam moved me. I passed grade 3 and it was grade 4. I decided to move on and go on with my life. I got good grades and things were going good. I managed to get a group of friends and things were going well, until a new student came. And it turns out she was from my preeschool, then the people who I was hanging out with got jealous. And they all loved my best friend more than me. Eventually everyone started ganging up on me. Then one day, I wanted to try on her glasses so I stole it. I felt guilty and when I went to school everyone knew about it because they looked at the camera. Everyone despised me but my my friend forgived me and we remained friends. Then everyone will constantly mention what happened and everyone will hate me. They will constantly compare me to her saying they hate me but love her, constantly mentioning she’s better than me. I never worry cause I thought that she’ll always remain by my side no matter what. But we would fight and every time that would happen everyone will only take her side. Then one day another friend of mine, while she was not looking I cut of her with a pair of scissors, after that everyone hated me way more than they did. Everyone made my life hell! They would scream at me, yell at me and I couldn’t take it. The rest of the year people would plot against me and I’ll be all alone because my best friend chose them over me because she was seeking the validation of other people. And she got it. Then in grade 5, we ended up in different classes so we eventually stopped hanging out. I played with grade 4s coz no one wanted to hang out with me. I would get picked on for hanging out with grade 4s and I will get laughed at but I never care. A boy liked me and we would talk and rumours would spread that I’m dating him and people would constantly pick on me for that making my life hell! This went for the whole year. People never like me and when someone farted all the boys would put the blame on me, and I’m a girl. The girls wouldn’t do anything. Again I was very shy and people never like that but I managed to go through the whole year although people would pick on me and I would vent out all my anger at home. Then in grade 6, there was another shy student who never really get good grades but people still liked her. But if they could accept her and like her for herself then why not me. I made a new friend and she was the only one who liked me for me and saw the value in me. Everyone loved her but hated me. But she loved me and she’ll include me in everything. But people would pick on me and laugh at me, and I hated it. Then one day a new girl came and I made friends with her but when she found out the real me she ditched me while I unknowingly ditched my other friend. I was all alone. Then they were three people against me all because my friend ditched me because I wasn’t enough for her. I wasn’t good enough. Then in grade 7 I was still shy, but I was unwanted. I would sit alone in class and no one will sit next to me, but I had a good friend of mine and he was always there with me through thick and thin. Rumours spread that I was dating him. Everytime we had to work in group activities I would always be the odd one out and the teacher will have to put me in a group. This happened throughout the whole year. I was lonely, depressed and felt worthless the whole year but I managed. Then now I’m in grade 8 and I made a huge mistake of being under a bad influence of a friend and now I’m unwanted all over again. I failed to make a good impression, I failed miserably. I have a crush and I was unwanted in front of me. He knows that people don’t want me. There were people against me and now they got what they wanted. They succeeded in seeing me in pain coz that’s what they wanted. My enemies prosper and they live happy lives while I’m out here unhappy with myself and the fact that I made bad choices and I can’t even have a likeable friend and there are constantly people out to get me. No one likes me. I’m constantly being picked on and I look at other girls and wish I could me them. I get insulted Infront of everyone and people hurt me with their words. I actually want to kill myself because of the fact that I’m not enough. The fact that I’m worthless and people don’t like me. The fact that I’m not good enough. It hurts like hell. So much that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else.
So I’m sharing my story to prevent other people from making the same mistake. If you have a good person in your life keep them. They won’t be here forever. Otherwise there will be bad people who will hurt you to the point where you want to kill yourself. There are people who will love you unconditionally and appreciate them. Just know that your’re not alone if you think you’re worthless. I hope this helped!
Feeling worthless.