Dedication: My daughter
I am not proud of this story but if this story can help one person then it was worth telling.
I met a man when I was 19 that I fell in love with. He was 26. I was way too young to be so head over hills but I knew he was the one. We were together for 6 months and I got pregnant, even though we used protection. My parents flipped, his parents flipped, he flipped. I was so happy for a brief moment until he said “if you love me you won’t have this baby.” My world came crashing down. Went to my parents and they said they didn’t want me in their life if I kept the baby. I had no one to turn to. He drove me to a clinic where I cried and begged him the whole way there to not make me choose. As I laid on that cold metal table, 8 weeks pregnant, they gave me something to calm me down, I cried and then I heard the horrible sound of what sounded like a vacuum cleaner. I screamed “I can’t do this.” They told me it was too late, they had already given me some medication that even if they stopped the baby wouldn’t survive. I screamed and cried. The next moment I can remember them waking me up and telling me to go. My boyfriend had to carry me out of there. I ended up leaving him because I was so guilt ridden and angry at him and myself. I tried to take my own life. I failed at that, thank God. God blessed me with 3 beautiful children later in life but not until after I had endured 2 miscarriages. It took me 15 years, several therapists, and a priest before I could forgive myself for what I had done. I went to a cemetery with my priest to bury my horrible memory. We prayed and cried with our eyes shut. I felt someone touch my shoulder and looked up and no one was there. The priest told me it was my baby forgiving me and its time to forgive myself. I forgive myself but I will never forget my baby and one day I will see her.