Dedication: My father, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him.
So 12 years ago, I attempted to take my life and I survived. I wanted to share my story and let people know even though it gets hard and I mean really hard it gets better and it’s always going to be ok.
The date was June 25th 2012 around 2pm and even though it was beautiful out, all I could see was dark. Once I made a plan, that darkness turned into a light, a way out, a way to end the so called suffering I was in. At that time in my life I was bullied so bad, thrown into trash cans, a bee hive, into a locker, and picked on for the way I looked and thought because I have severe ADHD and was in the special classes. Even though I have parents that do everything to keep me safe And happy and a girlfriend at the time that loved me, I still didn’t see what the point was. I was still picked on and nothing made It better. So I tried something to get revenge against the bullies instead of attempting at first. That got me into a lot of trouble. So much so my parents couldn’t figure out how to help and my girlfriend left me to save herself and I don’t blaim them at all. I was bitter, angry and wanted it done. After all the trouble and her leaving me I told myself, does it matter. Why can’t I just end all this bs. So I made a plan to go home and end it all right there, fuck it. I went into my parents room, unlocked my dad’s gun safe,( I knew the code incase of home intruders and what not)I I got my dad’s 9mm CZ and loaded a round into the chamber. My heart was pounding to the point that it felt like my body might just stop working for me. I couldn’t breath correctly, and then it all stopped as I put the 9mm up to my temple and clicked the safely off. It was quiet, I took a deep sigh of relief and pulled the trigger. (Click) Nothing happened, I got up and ran to the bathroom and puked out my organs in fear. I unloaded the weapon and checked the round. The primer of the cartridge was struck, but the bullet never fired. All I couldn’t think of by some miracle of God he didn’t want me to go yet, to this day I can’t explain why it didn’t go off. The ammo was premium good quality as well as the gun, it’s never misfired at the range with 1000s of rounds out through it but that day it didn’t go off. After that moment I drove myself to my dad’s work and collapsed on the floor sobbing like a baby, he picked me up and just held me tight for what felt like hours. I love my dad, and will always have faith in the man that raised me and helped me at my worst. From that day on I realized that its not all that bad. The bad things will pass and you will heal with time. We all have bad days, but remember something is there for everyone even if you don’t know it right then. No one is alone, ask for help. Support groups really does help, you just have to find the right one. God bless anyone who is struggling, I’ve been there. It sucks and seems like the end but it’s not.
This is my story that I felt I had to share, I hope this can help the ones who need it.
thank you for reading and have an awesome day.