Lately, I have been feeling bittersweet about a friendship that ended about four years ago.
I met this friend on my first day at work. We were in the elevator on our way to the office—both of us new and a bit lost, trying to figure out which floor we needed to go to. We turned to each other and asked, “Are you going to this floor?” and she said yes.
It was our first day at work, both working in two different departments.
From that first meeting, we were inseparable. We met for lunch. We gossiped about work. We met after hours, and we were both immigrants. She later changed jobs and went to a different company, and I believe destiny wanted me to work for the same company as hers after my role got outsourced externally. When I started at the new place, we were both happy to have found each other again.
Our friendship consisted of a lot of chats and leaning on each other. She saw me at my lowest, and I was there at hers, too. We were there to cheer for each other and be each other’s shoulders.
Then COVID came, and even though social distancing was the thing, we always made sure to be present in each other’s lives through voice notes.
In the meantime, she changed jobs, and so did I. But this time, we were working in two different places. I relied on her for career advice when it came to choosing the right job, pursuing the right educational program, and so forth.
Then one day, out of nowhere, after announcing that I had finally passed a very difficult certification in finance, which she had been struggling with for many years, she stopped talking to me.
She unfollowed me from every social media—Instagram, LinkedIn. She never made an effort to message me again. All I have till this day is her silence after I told her about passing my exams and seeing the two blue ticks on WhatsApp. In the meantime, it seemed like she had been having an amazing life.
I saw her “silent rejection” as “I am done talking to you and being your friend.” There was no argument, no confrontation, or anything like that. I was left hanging in her silence.
I thought she was a true friend; we used to share good laughs to the point that our stomachs would hurt. However, she never made an effort to write back or see how I was doing, and even though an older version of me would have cried, now I tell myself, “It is okay to distance yourself from people who don’t celebrate your achievements.” If you don’t have a friend celebrating you at your highest, what is the value of this person in your life? ” My suspicion tells me she may not have liked that I was advancing in my professional life and education: I have started working for a well-known company, I have created a YouTube channel, I have written a book, I have built my personal brand, and more. I could sense a bit of distance, rather than someone celebrating me.
From time to time, I do think of our friendship and how much I miss her, but I guess everything happens for a reason: some people will come and leave, while others will stay. And while friendship is something I deeply care about, I have also learned to be selective about who I surround myself with.
My lesson learned is—surround yourself with those who want to see the best version of yourself, who are willing to celebrate you and support you along your journey.
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Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.
