hi, I’m a teenager and a high scholar.( English is not my mother tongue so please forgive me if there are any mistakes, thank u so much)
Things are so stressful for me this year, as an international student, and living as an extreme overthinker only makes it worse. The last school term I got pretty bad grades, much lower than what I expected and even lower than my last school year. Lots of things are going on in my mind right now and there is no way I can sort them out correctly. When I was in elementary school, I was always a top student, grade was just not a thing for me. but right now,…., I don’t know, there is no word to describe it at the moment, idiot??? stupid?? I really don’t know. Also because of my grade, I gain no respect from my friends at school, which easily lead to bullying. Yeh, I get bullied at school, but in a lowkey way. When it comes to ‘lowkey’ it means that they are bullying me, but not officially. In other words, I got bullied by my besties, but it always ended up as ‘it’s just a joke, don’t be so sensitive bitch’=))) they make fun of my forehead, and when I say ‘they’, it means 6, 6 over 7 members of my friend group=)) Yeh, six of my besties bully me EVERY FUCKING SINGLE DAY =))) I did not realize that at first, I really believed that I was just a joke. Now I know, there is no FUCKING WAY that BODY SHAMING people is a joke. Their joke killed my confidence and limited my ability. I don’t want to show up, I don’t want to talk, and I don’t want to be myself anymore. Not only about my forehead, but also talk about my brain, they said my brain is small and force me to accept it. ‘Force’ here means making me repeat it and threatening me. they started to use violence too, slapping, pulling my ponytail hair, and all kinds of stuff that are similar to that. imagine u have to go to school every day acting like u are living the best life ever with that fucking fake smile on your face =)))) that is me these past 3 years in this fucking disgusting school. I want to kill myself so badly, I want to remake it. and if there is a second chance, I would never ever let myself know those kinds of people.
There are so many more things I haven’t written. and I never will… I will bring them with me to the grave and curse all the people that have left pain in me.