Trigger warning: Before reading this post, please be aware that it contains references to childhood rape and other experiences of sexual assault.
My story begins the earliest I can remember, I was 6 years old and I got a new bathing suit to try on. So did my sibling, mom and dad left us with our uncle and he asked us to try them on. I remember being so excited we begged to sleep in them. We slept on the floor on a cot in a room with only one armoire. I woke up crying and as I came to realization my uncle got up zipped his pants. I looked at my brother and he was sleeping so I cried quietly into my pillow. I can’t remember being able to be a kid, my parents were addicts and my next memory is my mother trying to stab me because my father gave me a hug first, I was scared but mostly felt rejected. That was when I remember her getting a baby doll and we had to pretend she was real because my little sister had passed a few months after she was born. I know this is all a lot to unpack but, I have no one to talk to. I’ve tried talking with counselors and friends and it goes in one ear and out the other. Anyways after that we moved to a hotel where my parents worked for rent and hung out with the main office lady a lot. We had friends there, our very first ones we were so excited. We all did what we could to keep busy. My mom got upset one day and locked us in the room with one of our friends and unhooked the stove then blocked the door with it and unhooked the gas, then crawled out the window. We didn’t understand at that time but we were lucky dad crawled in when he did. We went to school when our friends knocked on the door to walk with us, but there was a lot of fighting there too so we didn’t try to bother them much. Luckily one of our other friends went to school with us and he had a dog we got to see, he quickly became one of our best friends and stayed that way for a while. We would wait for him to walk his dog-his parents didn’t want him to have friends so we had to be careful. But one day he wasn’t anywhere and the next day nothing. When we got to school there was an announcement that he had died and again we were never the same. We decided we had to stick together my sibling and I. Our parents were still up to no good and always forgot to feed us she let me go to work with her on another room a mother cat ate her babies and we had to clean up the pieces that were left . On Sundays our dad’s mom would pick us up and take us to church and get us food and take us to thrift stores on back roads. She’s the best. We adored her. One day there was a knock on our room door and it was the police they said we missed too much school and would have to go with them. We kicked and screamed and cried. But our mom just said take them. So they did. And downstairs was grandma she said we had to go talk to someone and took us in the the child protective office. There we met some nice ppl and they said we could go live with grandma if she agreed. We went to court and our mom signed over her rights. She didn’t fight she just didn’t want us anymore. We got home to grandmas and got to pick the colors of our rooms, dad got to visit so he painted them for us. But then our uncle came in a few months later. He applied to be our gaurdian as well. My heart dropped and I remember him living in our closet to ‘keep a close eye on us’ the abuse went on. Quietly. As we grew we turned to anything we could we ran away smoked weed went in and out of juvenile detention.we just acted out. We were still so close but eventually we both drifted apart, my sibling got into harsh drugs and I met an 18 yr old boy when I was 12. He said he knew my dad and my dad said he approved of him. My mom was in and out of jail for fraud and my dad went to prison for beating someone nearly to death so he was all I had. I didn’t know he was grooming me, I thought we liked each other but I was too young to know better with no one to help. I moved in with him carefully as we were both on probation so I pretended to live with my mom and she said as long as I don’t go there she didn’t care . He started raping me, beating me and took away my family. I started hitting him back, I tried to leave but he wouldn’t let me. I ended up pregnant at 17 and my mom decided to come back into my life and he knew her too so they decided to get a house to rent for all of us. So we did. I caught them together but pretended that I didn’t. I had my baby and he tried to kill us I was scared but I grabbed my baby and ran. Someone called the cops and he went to prison. I then lost the house due to not working and had to move in with his family. They made me drop the charges so we could live somewhere and I couldn’t put my baby on the streets. So I did. Eventually I got a job and a car and found my old new friends again. They met my baby and loved them. I felt whole again. We were house hopping for a little but then I got a nice cozy 3 bedroom all by myself. And we settled it was bliss. My mom came to me and said she wanted to move in to be a part of my child’s life I accepted hesitantly I was desperate for her love and my baby deserved so much love . I then met a man and we decided to move in together he came over but my mom didn’t like him so eventually we all left. We lived in an apartment shed and then got a home. Janky but solid and my baby got a room! We were together a few years before I got pregnant again so we married. And that’s when he changed and life got dull and scary again. I spent nearly 10 years watching him drink and punch walls. He knew I had no one. I just tried to keep him at bay. I stayed for the sake of knowing the kids needed a stable family. Something I never got but then I got pregnant again and decided this is it. I applied for houses jobs anything I could. He tried to sabotage me by making false c p s claims and they got dismissed. We lived at my job for a while then I got an apartment. Finally again fresh air. It’s been hard and there’s so much more to everything of course but my sibling is back and had told me they distanced themselves due to their sexuality, they had two kids and tried to live a normal life but their spouse was beating them and making them miserable. I have a new bf now and he’s rude sometimes and full of attitude and doesn’t really do much but I love him and he doesn’t hurt us in any way he helps us all out and helps the kids learn games and lets them trample him he lets us paint his nails and do his hair. And I just hope this is where we can stay we’re content and that’s all I ever wanted.