holidays and death

not sure where to start but my grief kicked in when I watch my mother take her last breaths on thanksgiving 2025.losing her triggered my dads death on July 4th year before and my bf 2019 on memorial day and daughter 2007.yes on holidays so I hate holidays.but I never grieved my daughters death nor my bf or dads..it started losing my mom where it hit me and the only thing keeping me strong is my kids and one is disabled that I care for. since my mothers death its been hard. my disabled sons bday fell on a mothers days this year.then my moms birthday fell on a fathers day. and what’s weird is that my dad was born on Halloween and died on 4th of July and my mom on thanksgiving. so holidays aren’t something I celebrate cause I’m still trying to cope with all this loss that hit me at once even tho they are years apart but I didn’t get to grieve.i just put that on hold and moved on. watching my mom slowly die that week triggered death. the losses in my life and it changed me. im still trying to figure it all out but I’m stuck with my thoughts on over n over in my head. im trying to pull myself together cause I have a disabled son to care for and other kids. how do I manage this before it blows up? I’m alone in this grieving process.i got to find a in person group with others who are going thru this feeling like I am. tomorrow is my first group so we will see
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Photo credit: Image provided by the storyteller.